Test Complete...

So I had the MRI on my neck, in light of that car accident thingy. Turns out there's no major damage to any of my main cables, or soft & squishies. Just physical therapy. This is good, considering I've already made up my mind that surgery is not an option that I would accept.
Dead Can Dance was the music chosen for part of yoga last night. A welcome surprise, which makes me want to make a mix cd for next week's class. Holy crap, I could spin live music during yoga. I could be Memphis's first YJ!
Colin-I need to talk with you! I have stuff you might want.
A special shout-out to Sarah--thanks for looking out for me this week.
And Halle-this picture reminds me of the first time you brought Adam over to meet the family.

I'm off to Toronto this week, so be good and NO PARTIES!

Over the Counterculture...

Just a brief update on the state of the 'tarnation: I'm finally getting my car back (Monday) just in time to drive myself to get an MRI (Tuesday) for injuries sustained in that accident. BUT, I've got some great new music to listen to:

• Maximo Park
• Arcade Fire
• The Bees
• StellaStar
• The David Freeman Orchestra (not available)

What Would Jesus Bomb?

Terrorism begins at home.

Official Announcement...

We apologize for any confusion you may be experiencing. But are we to blame? Double click on that HELP button tattooed to your mother’s forehead. She’ll tell you that your confusion stems from a public-school infused childhood, where you were raised by television to believe that one day you’ll be a millionaire or movie god or rock star. What you really should be worried about is that it took this long for you to admit your plight.

End of line_

Welcome to our Neighborhood...

Just to get some of you caught up to speed, we moved in February to a much newer, nicer part of town. A lot of it is still being developed and we have a very nice view of nature right off of our back porch (which is 3 floors up, so it's like having a tree house). There are always birds singing 'tra-la-la' and we are surrounded by lots of lush greenery. So let's recap a few things about our new surroundings:

WILDLIFE
I should start charging people to come over and look outside. In the last month, right outside my window I've seen:
• A Blue Heron
• A Luna Moth (size of my hand)
• A hawk (size of my dog; holy crap!)
• Hummingbirds, Cardinals, ornothologica en masse

METROLIFE
Despite our very nice surroundings, we've had:
• The same bank robbed 4 times
• Kroger robbed at gunpoint
• Tanning salon robbed at knifepoint (all in the same shopping center!)
• Liquor store robbed
• 4 burglaries in our complex

And so last night at 10:30, while the police chopper circled over our little apartment building, 3 cops and a K-9 unit were searching the grounds about 50 feet below me. They searched the creek in my back yard, our stairs, etc. Soon about 9 more police cruisers showed up and they and the dogs combed the area. Not really sure how it all concluded, except that there was some barking and shouting towards the end, and everyone casually packed up and left about an hour later.

I'm off to buy more ammunition tonight after work, and since the wife is really freaking out, maybe a seachlight to mount on my patio.

What our neighborhood needs is a BIG searchlight with a bat logo on it that we can shine on the clouds whenever there's trouble.

Lost and Found...

This is my Aunt Susan. She's one of my favorites! She is very dear to me. And lo and behold, her daughter Samantha returns. She went missing off the radar for a few years, and apparently she's back with a degree and a smile! Somewhere I have a picture of Samantha and I dancing at my sister's wedding. I haven't had the privilege of spending that much time with her, but if she's anything like my Aunt Susan, she'll be able to accomplish whatever she wants, on her own terms.

Bad Juju to the lot of you...

And you know who you are.

U Plavu Zoru...

"I wish a falling star could fall forever..."

The Pink Martini show will not soon be forgotten. 'D' had said that music these days seemed to be missing 'glamor.' Perhaps Pink Martini merely accumulated all the discarded glamor that available. Backed (almost needlessly) by the Memphis Symphony Orchestra, Martini surpassed the expectations of the unsuspecting season ticket holders, who thought that they were attending another average symphony performance. The 11-strong lineup infused cuban and asian flavors into their already unique mix of jazz, tango and mambo. You haven't lived until you've witnessed a bald japanese man in an impeccable suit singing in Spanish. But, as I suspect is always the case, singer China Forbes was the center of attention. Truly a show of musicianship not seen elsewhere in the world these days, I may not ever have the chance to see Pink Martini again-- their shows in Seattle, Portland, Istanbul, Paris, Athens, Milan and Rome are sold out in advance.

Special thanks once again to 'D' and 'B' who continue to be the most gracious hosts I know.

The Art of War...

Just a sample of what a typical day at work might look like...

(Note: for those of you not 'in the know', I work for Sabertooth Games, a division of Games Workshop--world's largest and best-kept secret manufacturer of tabletop wargames.)

Aftermath...

I'm still in a little pain, but the worst is over. Muscle relaxers and high doses of ibuprofin will do that for ya. The fate of my beloved VW Golf, however, hangs in the balance.
Special thanks to all my neighbors who game me their best wishes in light of this incident.

Tomorrow will make up for the past few days: Homemade martinis at 'D&B's' followed by the much-anticipated Pink Martini show. Now what to wear...

I really miss that Buffalo Trading Co. in Vegas; we went last year with my sister-in-law. Lots of fashionable components available including that awesome griffon belt buckle I picked up. In Ohio, The Hidden Pearl was good for that as well.

I'm thinking of adding two things to my wardrob: Shirts that require cufflinks, and making my own cufflinks.

Suggestions welcome.

Life comes at you fast...

Today, while on the way to lunch, the car in front of me had to brake hard for someone's creative driving in front of him. I slammed on my brakes and stopped just short of the car. And then the SUV behind me hit. We were slammed into from the rear-end and it pushed my car into the rear of the car in front of me.
Damage to my VW:
The back tailgate is smashed in and won't open. Driver's side door is bent. Back bumper crumpled in and tail lights are totally smashed.
Damage to myself and passengers:
Me- sore neck and headache, but otherwise ok. (1 point of damage).
Amy, front passenger seat- VERY stiff neck and headache, bruising from the seatbelt. (3 points of damage).
Dave, back seat- his glasses flew off and his head hurts, but these may have been pre-existing conditions. (1 point of damage).

The irony: the guy in the SUV who hit me WORKS as a rep for Nationwide insurance.

The aftermath: we waited forever for the police to show up. They never did! 4 police cars drove by, but I guess it wasn't THEIR FUCKING TURN to deal with an accident. Way to go, Memphis PD. We were 2 fucking blocks from the downtown precinct. You'd think they would WANT to show up for an accident since that's EASIER to deal with than domestic violence or murder, and they're all about taking the easy road. Thank you, Memphis PD for wearing that "To Protect and Serve" logo on the side of your cruisers. Try doing it sometime.

Blackout...

Wow, I totally missed Easter. Sorry 'bout that. A rapid-fire update:

• With that big Warhammer Invitational Tourney fast approaching, I find myself painting miniatures at breakneck speed.
• I saw my first Luna Moth, which is like a neon-green version of Mothra the size of my hand! Thanks to the fine folks over at Auf Achse for getting a photo of the monster (which I hope to post soon).
• The 1-year birthday of this great blog is also approaching, so we're planning a huge festival. Roast duck, a maypole, and plenty of washed linens should make for a great birthday celebration.
• With the trees in full-bloom, our magic tree-porch is now home to several finch families and a cardinal.
• I found my next pet: and so I need $15. Please send it to me and I will make this fine pacman frog the official pet of Official Rumors!
• Going to see a concert on Saturday with 'D.' Pink Martini will be playing Memphis!!! If you're not familiar with this band, but find yourself saying "I totally want to hear some cuban-infused jazz" then you should research them and buy your ticket today.

More soon, I promise!

Also, a long overdue shout-out to the readers in Las Vegas! Their support of this blog has been solid, and I may never be able to repay the debt of gratitude to which I owe. I've set my iPod to play "Heaven or Las Vegas" by Cocteau Twins just for them today...

Some friends are frozen...

This is a gummy bear. Alas, he remains nameless. But 'J' befriended him when she was a kid, and they would have many adventures together. She kept him in the freezer when they weren't buddying around. He resides there still, waiting for the next time he'll be taken out to play.

True story.

Favoured of the Gods...

This is Blund. I stole this pic from "M's" Livejournal page. But the ironic thing is, I own this exact bear. His name is Blund, which is Swedish for "bear." I know this because I bought him at IKEA, the one in Pittsburgh. They've built an IKEA in Atlanta now, but those pokes thought it was some kind of Japanese car manufacturer. Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Anyways, I love Blund very much. I tell people that all small toy bears in Sweden are recruited for mandatory military service, so Blund served his 2 months (he's only a baby) as a weapons guidance technician. Blund doesn't like to talk about it, but he has no idea how many enemy soldiers he has killed in his day. "It's all part of the job" he says. Here he is now, relaxing on a Sunday morning.

Today will feature lunch with 'S,' lots of coffee, and some evening hang out time with 'C.'

Cheers.

Unliving Idol...

I was interviewed over the phone today. Here's how it went:

(I.G.=interview girl)
(Me=me)

IG: Did moving to the south give you greater confidence in your personal sense of fashion?
Me: I've never been confident in anything. I need to work on that. Tomorrow, maybe.

IG: Are you still having those dreams?
Me: Yes, thank you for asking. Some people dream in color, some in black and white. I seem to be dreaming lately with a 20% blue filter. This makes all my dreams seem more pale and subdued, even colder. It can be annoying but makes for dramatic lighting.

IG: You've nearly given up drinking Coca-Cola due to health reasons. How's that going?
Me: It's been much easier than I thought, but increasing my coffee intake has helped.

IG: How's work?
Me: Great! I love visiting with family and telling them that I look at Daemons and monsters all day.

IG: What's been the biggest challenge lately?
Me: Staying creative. I mean, my job is almost completely creative, but I'm referring to personal creativity. I don't have much time to write or play music these days. Being lazy is very convenient, but makes me feel guilty.

IG: What was the outcome last Easter when you put the marshmallow peep in the microwave?
Me: The peep began to expand. I became concerned so I stopped the microwave, which caused the peep to collapse. Upon further inspection, I determined cause of death to be catastrophic core implosion.

IG: What about the rest of the peeps?
Me: I do plan to launch the first peep into orbit, but this would take government funding, investment capitol, and a marketing strategy. It's on the down-low for now.

IG: What kinds of music have you been listening to lately?
Me: I've been way into jazz since moving down here. Outside of that genre, it's been hard to keep my finger on what's 'new and cool.' Going to Curiosa last summer helped, though. Found some new bands like the Cooper Temple Clause, The Rapture, and got to see Interpol. It goes without saying that the Cure were the main attraction. Also, I'm really into The Creatures' new album "Hai!"

IG: How was the party at ******'s place?
Me: Their parties are always great. Lots of artsy people talking about art and school, and I have very little to offer, but I always have a great time because of the people. Had lots to drink. Got more dirt on people.

IG: You've been taking yoga. How's that going?
Me: Awesome. It's made a world of difference and is just my kind of thing. Being one of the only guys in there is kind of odd though. I'm not sure if I'm resented by the house-frau's or not. It's really helped out my shoulder though.

IG: If you end up getting a band started, how would you like to be labelled?
Me: Great question. I read a reviw recently of a band that broke up in the mid-90's. They were described as being "Shoe-gazers." I thought, 'wow that's totally how I'd want to be described.' It conjures images of art-rock bands that just stare, introvertedly, straight downward. A little fashion, a little art, a little mopey, unusual, misfit, enigmatic--that's how I'd want it to be. These days, some bands are all about the 'emo' thing, which I love, but I think one evolved into the other.

IG: You're a collector. What sort of new things are you collecting these days?
Me: Vintage moonbeam clocks. I'd like to get some vintage coffee makers. I'm also into obtaining classic horror films. I just watched "The Abominable Snowman" with Peter Cushing!

IG: I understand you ran into ***** the other day. How did that go?
Me: I didn't run into her. "J" saw her at a David Sedaris reading. Turns out she's not dead, as I had originally reported. She looks like it though! God, do I hate that girl....

IG: You're still bitter...
Me: hell yeah. I never had closure on what she did to me. As far as I'm concerned, I still owe her one. And it will come. I really hate her... Thanks for bringing that up.

IG: What are you eating?!
Me: Cereal.

IG: Any advice you can offer your readers out there?
Me: Take dead aim at the rich. Take good care of your friends and loved ones. Have a heightened sense of paranoia. Sleep less. Take note of patterns in nature. Eat more cereal.

IG: Thanks again for taking so much time with us. We'll check in with you later.
Me: My pleasure. Good night.

-Official Rumors, April 2006

Love Song...

Here's an odd premise I came up with. The following is a list of friends of mine, the bands/music they introduced me to, followed by their Chinese Zodiac sign. Makes for interesting cross-references, debates, philosophical diatribe or vertical lookups (for you Excel users).

Jenn -- Tori Amos -- Horse
Gina -- Lush -- Rabbit
Christine -- Wire -- Dog
Sarah -- The Rapture -- Rooster
Anna -- Interpol -- Rabbit
Mike -- Franz Ferdinand -- Dragon
Sheri -- Opera -- Bat
Kalisa -- Tears for Fears (again) -- Horse
Nicole -- The Smiths -- Rabbit
Stas -- King Crimson -- Rabbit
Millhouse -- They Might Be Giants -- Rabbit
Markian -- Sisters of Mercy -- Rabbit
Julinka -- Voltaire -- Rabbit
William Mann -- The Cure (didn't introduce me to them but was responsible for a lot of my education about them) -- Goat

Artist Credit...

Dominic X. Johnson, my nephew, is the artist who has been featured on Official Rumors lately. He's sort of a post-modern, neo-malificent transexpressionist working mostly in marker and watercolor. Classical, but with a hint of lime. He does indeed get his talent from his mother (my sister) Halle Johnson. Don't be confused, though, since HOLLY Johnson was the former lead singer of Frankie Goes To Hollywood. He died of AIDS, though. My sister is HALLE, not HOLLY.

Just clearing that up.

I'm all about it...

Things you should know about me:

LIKES
• Toy Soldiers
• Jack o' Lanterns
• Lightning storms
• Little hole-in-the-wall Middle Eastern restaurants
• Books about pirates
• Classic horror films (mostly the black and white kind, Hammer films, et. al.)
• Snow!
• Air Hockey
• Making a big pot of chili on cold Sundays before the football games start
• Fishing
• Red Wine (merlot or cabernet, some kinds of zin)

DISLIKES
• SUV's
• 'Yard Geese' dressed in rain gear
• Reality shows
• Baseball
• Cell phones
• Asking to sit in 'non-smoking' and having them seat you right next to smoking. Wtf?!
• The spoken sound of the Hindu language
• People who keep dangerous reptiles as pets
• Revolving doors (I have a phobia of these and refuse to go through them)
• Starbucks (great atmosphere, great business strategy, shitty coffee)
• Indecision
• Coupons
• 'Ask Me' buttons
• and much more...

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky...

This conversation came up in the car this morning. I pass a small, southern pet cemetary on my way to work each morning. I do. Anyway, 'J' and I got into the details of buying a plot and making 'arrangements' for a small pet such as a tropical fish. Using the influence of 5 full seasons of 'Six Feet Under' I decided that an altoids box would be the perfect final resting place. But NOT the kind that opens via door hinge. You need to find the kind of altoids tin that SLIDES open. That way, you can leave it partially slid open so that the family can achieve closure through one last viewing of their beloved fish. Then you can slide the lid shut in dramatic fashion and lower mr. fish into his final resting place, closing with some words about 'his great reward' or 'a big happy pond in heaven or fish-valhala with lots of fish and plants for him to fellowship with.'

This brings up my second topic: fishing! My dad will be sending me all my fishing gear so that, for the first time since moving to Memphi-stopheles, I can go fishin'. My problem is that despite growing up in a very outdoorsy household full of hunters and fishers, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN A FISH! And I love to eat fish, so this poses a problem: either I learn to gut and clean fish, or I throw 'em back. The 'catch and release method' seems to widely accepted as the most humane, but what if the fish are really opposed to that. As if being thrown back is humiliating and demeaning. Like a soldier who charges into the battle line only to come fleeing back 5 seconds later. Perhaps being caught is the fish's true accolade: Martyrdom!

Fish 1: "Gill gave his life so that we can continue to swim."
Fish 2: "All hail Gill, may he continue to swim forever in Great Fish Valhalla!"

Rock Opera...

This update from Marjie:

"Good Morning,

I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm doing a production of the opera "Thamos" in Cleveland the weekends of May 12th and May19th. I can probably scrounge up some free tickets, so call me or email me if you're interested.

Also, mad thanks again to everyone who came to my reading. Your support and kindness are the...um, wind beneath my wings. Hold on. I can think of something better than that. Your support and kindness are my marrow.

Thanks and Hugs,
Marjie "