Thursday, March 30, 2006

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky...


This conversation came up in the car this morning. I pass a small, southern pet cemetary on my way to work each morning. I do. Anyway, 'J' and I got into the details of buying a plot and making 'arrangements' for a small pet such as a tropical fish. Using the influence of 5 full seasons of 'Six Feet Under' I decided that an altoids box would be the perfect final resting place. But NOT the kind that opens via door hinge. You need to find the kind of altoids tin that SLIDES open. That way, you can leave it partially slid open so that the family can achieve closure through one last viewing of their beloved fish. Then you can slide the lid shut in dramatic fashion and lower mr. fish into his final resting place, closing with some words about 'his great reward' or 'a big happy pond in heaven or fish-valhala with lots of fish and plants for him to fellowship with.'

This brings up my second topic: fishing! My dad will be sending me all my fishing gear so that, for the first time since moving to Memphi-stopheles, I can go fishin'. My problem is that despite growing up in a very outdoorsy household full of hunters and fishers, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN A FISH! And I love to eat fish, so this poses a problem: either I learn to gut and clean fish, or I throw 'em back. The 'catch and release method' seems to widely accepted as the most humane, but what if the fish are really opposed to that. As if being thrown back is humiliating and demeaning. Like a soldier who charges into the battle line only to come fleeing back 5 seconds later. Perhaps being caught is the fish's true accolade: Martyrdom!

Fish 1: "Gill gave his life so that we can continue to swim."
Fish 2: "All hail Gill, may he continue to swim forever in Great Fish Valhalla!"

6 comments:

S. Earnhart said...

Who died in the aquarium?

Deceiver said...

oh, i should have specified: none of our fish died. the conversation was merely hypothetical.

S. Earnhart said...

Good. I really thought someone had passed on to the great fishbowl in the sky.

detective pondsford said...

misleading your audience to believe that an aquaitance of your's is deceased is a felony!

Deceiver said...

hi mr ponsford. remind me, what's your first name again?

detective pondsford said...

that's detective pondsford to you! and I don't remember my own first name....so there.