Wednesday, July 26, 2006


Stuff on my desk:
• a plastic sheep
• little dancing jack o' lantern figures
• a scented tea candle (vanilla)
• cobra commander
• a toothbrush (free when you become a delta dental member)
• an Irish wishing stone
• a bottle opener

Monday, July 24, 2006

Mind Over Matter...

I have this little indulgence I practice every couple of weeks: I'll go to local Borders Books & Music, pick up a few of my favorite magazines off the shelf, then sit in the cafe and browse through them. To understand where this story, one must know that I usually go there after work and that my work 'uniform' consists of a black angst-laden t-shirt and jeans, with my i.d. badge around my neck.
Anyways, a couple weeks ago I was at Borders and when I finished with my magazines, I was kind enough to put them all back in their designated spots. So it came as no surprise when no fewer than 4 customers came up to me and asked me various questions, mistaking me for a store employee. The first few instances I explained that I wasn't an employee, but then I began to just steer people in the wrong direction: "You actually have to have a special permit to buy anything out of our Religious Studies section" or "We're entitled to alert the FBI anytime someone buys that magazine."
I should really fill out an application, since I enjoy talking to the customers more than Border's own employees seem to.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Today is my birthday, and my niece has drawn this rendition of me wearing some kind of shriner's fez. The glowing orbs above my 'head' probably represent something... arcane knowledge or divine mana or poltergeists. Yay!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Life is like a box of chocolates...

A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.
Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So
you're stuck with this undefineable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly
wolf down because there's nothing else left to eat.
Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee,
but they're gone too fast. The taste is... fleeting.
They end up as nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and
teeth-shattering nuts. You're desperate enough to eat those and all
you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper

Let Them Eat Birthday Cake...

A couple of weeks ago, while at home, my sister made me an early birthday cake. It's the kind of cake my mother had made me for years, but now my sister is carrying on the tradition. This, however, is not your average cake. It's called "Pig licking good cake" and sounds like something you would find here in Memphis. I'm not a big pineapple fan and this cake is choc-full of it. But make no mistake, it's (somehow) my favorite. The rest of the cake is nearly indescribable- I honestly don't know what else is in it. BBQ sauce would be an added bonus. Anyways, it's good. And I'm thankful for it.

I feel pretty apathetic about my impending birthday. I have to work tomorrow anyway.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Live Free or Don't...

I live in Memphis, which is known for a couple of things: Elvis, BBQ, and now the Statue of Liberation Through Christ. Dear readers, I CANNOT make this kind of stuff up. The church of the World Overcomers has erected this statue, a converted version of the green colossus known as the statue of liberty. They’ve added some stone tablets with symbols on them and a cross. I’m hoping these additions aren’t permanent, as I think it would add value to be able to replace them as the season’s change. For example, Halloween could see the statue change its accessories to a wooden stake and wreath of garlic. Anyways, their bullshit explanation of the statue’s meaning basically boils down to a disguised allusion to the reunion of church and state. Thanks to our forefathers, who in no way could see this coming, freedom of expression protects people from receiving death threats for their lawn ornaments. I’m offended, but I’m not really allowed to be. The Fahrenheit 451 sentries, SS stormtroopers, blade runner secret police or democrats who vote would never stand for this. Where is my police state?! I was promised a police state!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Between Something and Nothing...

Our vacation was a success! But there never seems to be enough time to do everything you want. However, zoo pictures will be up soon, so keep an eye on this space.
• Happy (belated) birthday wishes to my dad, Sheri, and Linek
• Special thanks to those who watched after our dogs. Turns out Argus was about as much trouble as we thought.
• Colin, sorry we missed you.
• And a hearty welcome to new readers of this blog. Watch what you say as it may end up in print here.