Wednesday, December 21, 2005

To whom it may concern...

Some of you have asked, "What is the project?"

Well, according to the official pamphlet:

"The project is a group of dedicated individuals committed to the advancement of the project."

So, what IS the project...?

Ask me again sometime.

Ah, the power of change...

I should write a post about this past weekend's Warhammer tournament. Long story short, I finished 2-0-1 and tied for second with 63 points.
Now for those of you that think that just because you can crush some high school kid using someone else's army list consisting of 8 minotaurs and 5 chariots, I challenge you to take that list to a tournament. I further challenge you to either a) take at least 3rd place in a 14 person local tournament or b) finish in the top 1/3rd at a 140 person global tournament or c) try that crap against my new Tzeentch Horde army. Especially if you've got nothing better to do this saturday!
I find that in a 2250 list, 8 minotaurs (while it's true they won't go away) are simply too hard to manoever. There is a guy in florida name Jordan who fields a beastman army with 18 chariots!!!! I shit you not. Hell, they're core, and he never loses with that army. Yuri on the other hand has 2 bray-shamen and 8 beast herds!! that's it. He's never lost with that army either.
Different strokes I guess. I know this post will only make sense to 1 of you, sorry for that.

Friday, December 16, 2005

I be festive...

Man, did I screw up my back. The whole right side has swelling in it and there are sharp pains in the muscles if I move at all. I've got to go see a better doctor because my current one is a no-talent ass-clown! Anyway, all pain aside, this was supposed to be a holiday post. happy holidays, and enjoy the panda!

From all of us at Official Rumors to you and your families:


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Shields up...

Okay, I have a confession to make: I like the color pink. But not just any pink--not hot pink or anything like that. I like shell pink. think 50's cadillac/diner/poodle skirt/soft pink.
I've got my eye set on this retro alarm clock from L.L. Bean that glows pink. And Ian McCullouch of Echo & the Bunnymen used to play a 1978 shell pink fender jaguar guitar. Nothing is cooler than playing a pink guitar on stage; it defies gender roles and cultural stigmas as well as flaunts confidence in one's own sexuality. i.e., I am not gay.

Here's the clock i want for Xmas...

Xmas list updated...

• clothing that is black
• new headphones for my iPod
• for Jenn to be happy

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

White Trash Nachos...

Gather 'round, kids, and let me tell you the story of the greatest junk food this side of the part of the country that lost the war of northern aggression.
Sonic has a treat called 'Frito Pie.' But I call 'em 'White Trash Nachos!'

It starts with a paper tray thingy. Layer that with a 'handful' of frito corn chips. Now let that sit a minute so that the tray gets soaked. While that's working, take the leftover burger patties that didn't sell yesterday and chop them up with a fork (coarsely). Next, dump the chopped up burger 'meat' onto the frito pile and proceed to layer the whole thing with nacho cheese sauce. Shit, ok, first plug-in the nacho cheese warmer then pour on the cheese (note: don't wait for the cheese to get warm, that takes forever). Almost perfect. All that's left to do is to top it off with a clump of jalapenos (to help mask the taste). Now you have instant after-school goodness. Add an X-box game and you're kids are ready to reach their fullest potential.

Addendum: Official Rumors was saddened to learn that Sonic has pulled the Frito Pie from their menu.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Movie spotlight: Narnia

by Official Rumors Entertainment Analyst Melanie Best

"THE GREATEST STORY EVER SOLD: The Chronicles of Narnia (the movie)"

I JUST got home from the theater, and am performing my civic duty of telling you what I thought of “The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe.”

4 english schoolchildren during WWII are forced to flee when their city comes under a German air raid. They soon discover Thomas Dolby’s (She Blinded Me With Science) wardrobe which leads to Narnia, a suburb of Minneapolis. Narnia is under the curse of uber-villan Darth Milf, but an underground resistance movement has never-never land on the brink of revolt! And thus the kids soon find themselves in the middle of a war (again)!

Warning: this movie is full of cultural symbolism. Let’s decode them:
The Lion = Prof. Dumbledore
The Wolf Pack = the KGB (remember Revelations 3:13? “…and the glorious protectors of the state sought out Jesus and the fellowship of the ring until the great land of communism was once again a safe working environment.”)
Peter, heir to the throne of Narnia = Luke Skywalker, heir to the throne of England
Santa Claus = Gandalf the Grey
The Oompaloompa = The Oompaloompa

The stage is now set for the great battle scene between Darth Milf’s Soviet War Machine …vs Jumanji!

So let’s look at the two armies then:

For the bad guys, Darth Milf has chosen her army wisely: Bears, Minotaurs, Cyclopses, Wolves, etc. She herself has the military acumen of Attilla the Hun, the combat skills of Conan, and the management style of Stalin.

The good guys have chosen some beavers, giraffes, Santa Claus and other muppets.

Advantage: BAD GUYS!!!

But don’t lay odds, just yet. The good guys also have a lion. However, he turns out to be merely a figurehead and remains largely insignificant.
And yet how does the evil army end up losing? I don’t know, that part was gay.

Anyhoo, after a bunch of biblical references and miracles, the muppets win and Narnia is happily transformed back into the middle-earth country club. Jason recovered the lion’s golden fleece, the talking goat man is revived from stone, and Christmas once again comes to Fargo.

All in all, a great movie (only great for Christians) and lots of fun for the whole family.

But a talking goat-person? That’s just fucking weird.

If you liked this movie, you may also enjoy:
The Lord of the Rings
Star Wars
Black Hawk Down
Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time”
Gary Gygax
any Renaissance festival
the San Diego Zoo

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Feature Profile: Fun Julie

Fun Julie is a girl I dated in college. She's a commercial pilot, and she's from the Czech Republic. We would hang out in her dorm room and go through Calvin & Hobbes books together, and had a great run overall. But like all good things, it ended on mysterious and undisclosed terms. Actually, she's the only person I've ever dated that I'm still friends with. And she laughs. A lot. She has the type of energetic laugh that can power entire city blocks. She's very vibrant and never seems to get tired. If I'm lucky, I get to see her once every 5 years. Last time I spoke to her, she was renting the upper loft of a barn and was serenaded to sleep each night by cows. She's so great...

Madonna of the Wasps

"Lost Madonna of the Wasps, I wonder where we crossed
I wonder why she lost me -

Lost Madonna of the Wasps, She's dying in the frost
I wonder what she cost me -

Is this love?

Gone Madonna of the swans, she waves a magic wand
And then she settles on me -

Wise Madonna of the Flies, I look into her eyes
and then she recognize me -"

--Robyn Hitchcock & the Egyptians

The suits are picking up the bill...

Work life has been good lately. I can finally talk to other designers and they understand my language. And I get to work with a subject matter that I enjoy. Instead of putting together a brochure featuring photos of osteoporosis patients or degenerating spinal discs, I can now drop in photos of Sea Dragons or Possessed Daemon Ships. Yay! And I work with good people, which makes all the difference. Our production meeting this morning consisted of several "homosayswhat" interjections, and a discussion of samurai movies.

Monday, December 05, 2005


Sadly, I predict that there will never be an IKEA in Memphis. Most folks down here think it's a japanese car manufacturer. And I know that IKEA is cheap and weird, but I must admit I like 'em! Those Swedes know how to put JUST ABOUT everything you need into one box. But no matter what I buy from them, I'm always left with an extra dowel rod that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Perhaps everyone in Tennessee could donate all their extra dowels and we could build a bridge from here to Stockholm. I'd get my stuff faster.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I know what I saw...

The xmas party lived up to its billing, with one of our own getting so drunk he couldn't stand on his own. We threw bead necklaces off the balcony onto the party-goes of Beale street below. The karaoke wasn't as broad or encompassing as I had hope for, but my rendition of La Bamba provided 2min 34sec worth of entertainment. Turns out Memphis is good for something: people watching. Especially if those people are college girls in santa outfits who take off their shirts for bead necklaces. It's true!

Xmas list

People have asked me to post this:

1. Aeon Flux complete animated collection
2. candy
3. iTunes gift card

i can't think of anything else right now, but if i do, i'll post it here.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Xmas party...

Woo-hoo! Nothing like a company xmas party to strengthen the bonds of all those 'work friends' we've made. This year, we'll be at Pat O'Brien's for the usual vat of debauchery. Since we're a British company, everything revolves around drinking. So each hard-working employee gets 3 free drink coupons and is turned loose. Last year’s party was great: a company-wide scandal which ended with my entire team getting fired, a lawsuit by yours truly set into motion and then quelled, and finally, my joyful acceptance of an award that basically symbolized the fact that I traded legal action to keep my job. (1)

If that wasn’t enough, a political enemy of mine, present at the party was fired two weeks afterward when it was discovered that he was stealing money and product. (2)

This year will feature Karaoke and our special Games Workshop Eggnog (basically, bourbon and ice cubes).

Let the games begin.


(1) Good times!

(2) Jackpot!

Our Official Poll...

Do you think the war in Iraq has been successful? Really?!
No, and exactly how much is it costing me?
No, because I don't feel any more 'free.'
No, but we were winning when I left...


Free polls from

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thanxgiving photos, as promised...

Thanxgiving went very well, mom was quite surprised! And now the photos:

(Above) This is 'M' and 'S.' 'S' is sporting her new tattoo and 'M' is showing off her coat, circa 1870! She buys her vintage clothes at the Hidden Pearl.

Here are my niece and nephew, 'D' and 'F.' They started to dance right after i took this photo.

My new nephew, 'd.' He slept the entire time, and was dressed like a little snowman.

'M' and I.

My sister and I. We tend not to stray too far from the gene pool. She's cuter than me, AND SHE'LL BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU THAT!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


I'm going to fulfill my mother's wishes and put on a few pounds this weekend. but while i'm away, i'll be planning some cool new things for Official Rumors. here's what you'll have to look forward to when i return:

• The Puzzlin' Puzzler: a weekly quiz just for you!
• More Featured Profiles of people I know and why you should hate them!
• Recipies for you to share and eat.
• Other wierd stuff from home.

Until then, have a great holiday!

Fishy fishy in a brook...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! These nice folks offer their crop's yield! i'll be on vacation for the next skajillion days, so i thought i'd leave you all with something nice. you can copy this picture (i did!) and email it to everyone you know.
i love and hate all and most of you,


Monday, November 21, 2005

Feature Profile: Kelly Marino

I'll probably get in trouble for this. Regular readers of this blog may be familiar with the tale of Kelly Marino, a good friend of mine who performed an act of emotional betrayal on yours truly. (I don't have a recent photo of her, so I used an image of a desk, which is a good example of what her personality was like). Basically, she started dating a co-worker of ours and when they became engaged, she turned to me one day and said: i don't need you as my friend anymore.

I shit you not. she actually said this to me out of the blue. I like to think I had been a good friend to her; we did homework together, watched movies, I brought her popcicles when she had her adnoids out, etc. Stood by her through thick and thin (illnesses, emotional crises, etc).

And that's how it ended. Kelly passed away* shortly thereafter. I'm pretty sensitive to stuff like this, so I took it quite hard when she just ENDED our friendship like that.

* she was skiing in colorado when a 747 jet liner slammed into the slope she was on, destroying everything in a 1 mile radius.**

** she didn't really die, that's just what I tell people. She's dead to me. She lives in Ohio.

So yes, I hold grudges, I'm pretty fragile, I'm a jerk. These are not things I'm proud of. Kelly was a friend of mine. There were many before her, there will be many after.

If you're reading this and you happen to be a friend of mine: Thank you for being that friend.

I'll be sulking today, if anyone needs to get a hold of me.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


I had this idea. i found these old woodcut images and i'm wondering if they'd make a good tarot deck. saw some great live jazz last night. we arrived around 730 and ran into lots of people, current and new. the level of talent and quality of the music is really getting better. I met 'R' who says he can't read sheet music but that doesn't matter because he's a jazz musician, and all that takes is heart.

Happy birthday to everyone this week. sorry i missed you, "K." Hope you're feeling better.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Talent, vigor, drive...

...i'll eat peanut butter for the rest of my life.

so i used to be in a band, the greatest band that never was. my friend and former co-worker 'jw' and i made up our band, XO. a very simple name that commented on the duality of man, the contrast and connection between male and female, and some other nonsense. i would write lyrics and jw would put it to music on his guitar. and we would crank out songs like they were possessed animals that had to pee so badly they were forcing their way out of steel cages! we were so close to recording a demo disc...
then we lost jw to corporate downsizing. but we were soooo good! dammit!
here are the songs we put together for our first set:

dither and dive (original)
in your dress (original)
push (original)
bela lugosi's dead (bauhaus)
primary (the cure)
hell (squirrel nut zippers)


i'm on a new quest to start a different band: Hi-fi Lullabye

who's with me????


Story of my life...

"Once upon a time we thought we were free
And had control over destiny
We saw ourselves a competent band
Able to reason, prosper and plan
But we had a chamber up in the moon
Circumstance made us change our tune
When the veil was torn from our face
We became the monkeys riding the race..."

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The New Mixer...

'd' brought his own booze to the halloween party, labeled it, and set it next to the torch fuel. so i took this photo.

today was a good day. It seems i've found a friend among the storm (which happens to actually be tearing tree limbs down outside right now). i'm thankful for that.

Time and tide...

I'd hate to think this whole thing is for nothing. Well I keep meeting interesting people at the bistro. Welcome "K" who has a blog on this site. She could become one of us. Got in an argument with a regular customer (or irregular, as he is both a schizophrenic and a drunk) over U.S. policy and the war. My latest line has simply become "please don't ask my opinion on this." But he didn't listen. People, if I'm going to get killed for a word, that word sure as hell won't be 'freedom.' jesus....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Hell with the lid off...

So last night at the Bistro, i made a new friend. We'll call her 'A' for now. She's from Birmingham, Alabama. i've been to Birmingham. Writer H.L. Menken once described the city of Pittsburgh during the 60's as "...hell with the lid off." At that time, Pittsburgh was an industrial blue-collar town whose primary role was to forge steel in huge molten blast furnaces. The winter skies would be burned black with smoke and soot and the whole city had a depressing feel to it (watch the movie "The Deer Hunter" if you don't believe me). Anyhoo, since Birmingham has become known as the "Pittsburgh of the South" for being the second-largest steel producing city in the U.S. i feel that Menken's words are an apt description for that place. My stay in Birmingham lasted for 2 days, and in that stretch i blew a tire on a busy highway, ran over a piece of concrete in the middle of the road that tore out some vital organs underneath my car, was knocked down in a resturaunt brawl, and had no cell phone service for most of the time. i've got to say, if the government wanted to hide an alien hybrid, develop exparamental aircraft or assimilate a foreign political refugee secretly into the public Birmingham Alabama would be the place to do it. No one would want to look there. It's that bleak.

But i digress. 'A' is a charming girl with a lovely accent who moved to Memphis in search of something better. I'll have to let her down easy on that one. But her boyfriend plays poker for a living. i mean, really, this guy's job (his income, his means of supporting himself and 'A') is to play cards for money. F*cking hell. Either he's incredibly lazy and dangerous, or he's on to something. So i've dug deep into my little brain to see if there are OTHER ways of making a living that perhaps i've overlooked:
• i could watch ESPN, memorize last night's scores, and regurgitate them to people on the street for money.
• I could follow people to BestBuy when they want to purchase a new video game, and offer to beat the game for them for money.
• i could sit next to some member of upper management and verbally support whatever idea he comes up with, for money.
• i could play solitaire for money.
• i could stand in as an extra family member if their boy is over seas, sharing meals with his family and posing for family photos, for money.
• i could just get back to work, which is what they're paying me to do right now...

Everybody now...

I'm going to try to make open-mic night at the bistro again soon. i should really learn a new song or two, so i'll open it up for requests. just post a comment and i'll do my best.

Fly and Stain...

"Patiently I wait for you to open your eyes. It is by My Will alone that you draw breath..."


(my latest photoshop creation)

This band knows how to tear it up...

A picture from D and B's halloween party: they had a band playing cover songs. amusingly enough, this was both their first show together and their last. they didn't even have a name. but they did let me sing a tom petty song, which people seemed to enjoy (they were all drunk) at the party.

Coolest thing ever...

Look at this thing. seriously, look at it! it's the coolest thing ever. why? allow me to use 'bullet points' to summarize my opinion on this. 'bullet points' will not hurt you:

• this thing is a keychain
• it's also in the shape of a bat
• it has a built-in bottle opener
• it glows in the dark!!!!

let me know if you agree, and if you have anything to add, try using 'bullet points' to summarize your thoughts. i'm so tired...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A Japanese Dream...

'S's show is tomorrow! make sure you come out and support her! i made this image in photoshop today. I should be getting my passport soon, but i may not be heading to the UK until sometime after the holidays. here's a brief rundown of what's been going on, ambiguous as it may be:

• Beastmen
• Power through Change
• Travel
• Show

confused? good. Aeon Flux (the complete set) is coming out on DVD in a couple of weeks. i don't want to wait until xmas, it's already been over 10 years since i've first seen the shorts on MTV's Liquid Television. the movie should pale in comparison to what that series was. if i can pick up the set, be prepared for some kind of viewing party at our place.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Horror...

i'm a bit backed up on all the photos i owe you. the costume party, the hillbilly tournament, and tomorrow night's open-mic performance. bear with me.

anyways, i'm thinking of throwing a party in the same warehouse space as the party, and i'd need to get ahold of their media projector. it's a great space and all we need is a theme. so begins the first poll of this blog: what kind of party would you like to attend?
• german expressionist film party?
• alternative post-modern UK rock party?
• marshmallow peep party?

give feedback now.

This Friday... the Bistro, i'll be performing 2 songs for open-mic night. Local blues musician Eddie Dattell and i will be doing a song together, and i'll be doing a solo bit afterward. hope to see you all there! for those of you that missed the Billy Gibson trio, you missed out. they'll be playing again in a couple of weeks. 'S's show is a week away...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

All that Jazz...

Tonight at the Bistro Aroma... Billy Gibson!!! i fully expect to see you all there as this is a rare treat to experience. the place WILL fill up, so get there before 6:00. Plus, there will be beer tasting! hope everyone can make it.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Well the party went well, photos forthcoming! tonight is film noir night at our place although none of my desired netflix have come in yet.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Fangs very much...

Today was a good day. going to boris's for coffee.

Owt in shaden wode...

Hello again.
"D and B's" huge halloween party is tomorrow. my job is to cook up the vegetarian chili, which is a lot of responsibility! "S's" show opening is less than 2 weeks away. it's good to be staying here, i've come to realize, but the 'powers that be' up north are now trying to make life difficult. it's now a money squabble, which i'm afraid will get bloody. other than that, the machine rolls on. haven't heard from "G" yet, still waiting for her to call.
hope to see you all at the party!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bale-eyed was the spiten beast...

So last night I went with 'D' and 'S' to the Bistro for some live saxaphone music and coffee. it was standing-room only. afterward, i learned that hagen-daas vanilla ice cream truly is a force to be reckoned with. halloween party is this saturday, i'll try to post photos afterward.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Don't worry, we got away with it...

We're going to be watching some season-appropriate movies at our place this week and next:

Donnie Darko

Stop by if you get a chance.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Phones at the Luxor

i start my new job on monday. wish me luck.

Bleu locale...

and then i have this series of places that had metaphorical objects lying about. G, my photos aren't technically perfect. i'm working on it, but your advice is always welcome.

It's better in the Matinee...

i started a series of mystery women whose photos i find on their homemade websites. i then photoshop the crap out of them and BAM! instant body of work!
don't let history or pretentious scholars fool you: art is easy. anyone can do it.
if you'd like to submit a photo to add to the series, just email it to me.

I made this guy out of stuff in my yard...

All Hallow's Eve is fast approaching. big costume party at D and B's. costume suggestions are desperately needed.

Camera Obscura

hey it's me again, just wanted to let you know that S's illustration show/series "Grande Drama" will be at the Bistro on thurday november 10th. on a roughly similar note, people have requested (i know, i know...) that i put more of my original artwork on this site. people, i'm a graphic designer. unless you want to see ads for rebuilding engines, a device to cure osteoporosis, or a poster depicting daemons laying ruin to medieval city i don't have 'artwork' to show. and then i remembered something: i have a camera. SO, i dug out some of my amateur photos and even some digital stuff i had done over the years and will be posting it here. your comments are welcome.

Barbarism begins at home...

This is my sister-in-law, 's'. isn't she beautiful? she lives in Vegas. she keeps me in check, holds me accountable for my choices in style, and more. she's great. and she checks this site often. so take a moment, as i am now, to thank her for making my life better. if she were making it worse, she'd be written off.
anyways, i'll be posting more pictures and profiles of my family here soon. i've got great pics of my niece and nephew.

Get thee behind me, O evil forces...

So get this, i'm an uncle again. My sister, H, has given birth to a little boy, Damien (the chosen one, aspiring champion, beguiled gem of the gods). He has lots of black hair and mother and child are doing fine. Once she recovers, she'll need to get off her butt and call me.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Power Through Change...

I'm not moving to Chicago. I'm now a graphic designer for Sabertooth. Yea!
I read an article which blurs the line between good and evil. basically, there is neither. only our perception. and unlimited power comes with the willingness to change any and everything about one's self. at least, that's what was promiesed to me.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Miserablist

Back from chicago. some people have found this page, although i don't know how. welcome lil s, and c. S (the roommate) is having a show at B's on November 10th. she may start a blog here to keep everyone in the loop. i'll post more later as i have a lot to tell but am a bit indisposed at the moment. almost forgot. the image is from S, but won't be part of the upcoming show. the show includes new paintings inspired by Wagner's operas. also, franz ferdinand will be playing las vegas in 5 days.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Swayden blood daubed vine...

This week I've learned that there are two sides to every city, person, company, etc. "J" told me about some strange little communities that exist in my new back yard, and while I'm intrigued, I remain a little uncomfortable with regards to my potential participation. Echoes of past business relationships that went awry, nasty little extracurricular activities that should never be brought into the light of day, and so on. Must speak with "G" about this stuff, as she is likely to have insight. Lost in a forest, all alone...