Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Hello Kiddie...

My sister is going in to the hospital tomorrow to induce labor for her new baby. For the last 9 months I haven't been able to recall the name they picked out, but this morning I learned why: I was never told what the new girl's name was. That's because it's being kept a secret until the kid is born. So child #4 will pop out tomorrow and the mystery name will be revealed to all. Check the poll to the right, since there's still time to cast your vote!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I Believe...

This week, Jenn's Grandfather passed away.
In a very small family, he was a very large figure to all of us. He could take over a room. But he was always there for us, even at times when we felt we didn't need him to be. Now, I don't think anyone can remember a time when we didn't need him. He should know, however, that his influence lives on in his entire family. We are where we are because of him. He's shaped this family, and if you knew him, you'd be able to see a little of him in all of us.
Remembering him will never be difficult.
Being without him will.

Earnest Denford McPhaill 7/16/1919 - 4/13/2008

Friday, April 11, 2008

Gift sausage from the mall...

I hope to spend most of my weekend outdoors. I really need to start taking advantage of my local environment and hitting the parks and hiking trails. However, I know for a fact that I will look a little out of place with the other 'outdoorsy-types.' They all have special equipment, like official hiking boots, camelback water supplies, hiking pants, those fancy walking sticks, light-weather "North Face" jackets, etc. Whether they hike, bike, run, climb, etc. they are prepared and will do so in style.

Here's my equipment load-out for this weekend:
• Jeans (the one with the hole in the thigh)
• Shoes (I did buy new hiking shoes...)
• Hockey Stick (just like those fancy custom aluminum walking sticks, only you can hack and slash stuff with this)
• Gatorade
• Some type of candy
• Swiss army sniper jacket (looks very ugly, but the coolest, most versatile jacket ever. No L.L. Bean or North Face jacket will ever come close. EVER!)
• HK USP .40 (for bears, mountain lions, wolves, mexicans -- whatever poses a threat)
• Extra ammo (just in case)
• Binoculars (to watch birds, people)
• Trenching tool (one of those small, military shovels. Used more as a weapon)
• Nintendo DS (in case I get lost or bored)
• Flashlight (looks cool, seems logical)
• Gift sausage from the mall (how can I go wrong?)

That should do it. A compass and a radio won't do me any good, and I don't want to over-pack.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Unseen Lurkers be known...

So I'm trying to gauge how many readers I actually have, and I know I have more 'readers' than 'posters.' Come on now, let's have a de-lurking day. If you're reading this post or even visit this blog once a year, let's hear it. Leave a comment and show your allegiance to Official Rumors. Come on. It's Wednesday.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Ask Baphomet...

By Official Rumors freelance columnist Baphomet

Dear Baphomet,
Monster.com is supposed to be one of the major job sites around, but I never have any luck with them. What's the deal?

Dear Jill,
As people often confuse me with being mentioned in the ancient scripts of the Templars, or even as a mininterpretation of the name Mahomet (Muhammad), they also do when it comes to Monster.com. I cannot figure out for the life of me what they do to help the common man (woman, as is the case here) with finding a job. First of all, as a rule, I never use them. They are heavily advertising-driven, which means they use "web-statistics" as viable data to earn ad dollars. What this means is, the goal of Monster.com is NOT to find you a job, but to sell ads/services and get paid! They want to get as many users as possible to register and search for jobs, so that they can demand a higher ad price.
This has led them to employ some shady and unethical practices. For example, they post a lot of "jobs" that aren't legit. They're fake. But that increases the value of their service to YOU, which in turn, increases your activity on their site. Which ultimately makes their advertisers happy.
As a service to their "paying clients" (companies that post jobs) they will also send them your info. And trust me, when I registered, I unchecked every box I could find about circulating my info and I STILL get spam from companies that got my info from Monster.com! Plus, half of the jobs I applied for are listed as "company confidential." What the hell?! How does that help anyone?
Anyhoo, I would recommend using a different website entirely if you are looking for a job. The local newspaper is still a decent source, even in this age of internet-technology. Hope this helps!

It is by my very will that you draw breath,

Friday, April 04, 2008

The finer things club...

Then she appeared, apple venus on a half open shell
Then she appeared, the first photograph on Fox Talbots gel
I was a little frightened
Flying with my senses heightened
Cherubim cheered
Then she appeared
Then she appeared, as the giggling crew of Marie Celeste
Then she appeared, pale Atlantis rising out of the west
I was a little dazzled
Catherine wheeled and senses frazzled
Know it sounds weird
Then she appeared
And the sun which formally shone
In the clearest summer sky
Suddenly just changed address
Now shines from her blue eyes
Then she appeared, brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap
Then she appeared, dressed in tricolour and phrygian cap
I was a little troubled
Hookah with my senses bubbled
All Edward leared
Then she appeared
And the moon which formally shone
On the marbled midnight mile
Suddenly just packed its bags
Now shines from her bright smile
Then she appeared
Out of nowhere

What gets checked, gets done...

My demands are simple.