Wednesday, December 21, 2005

To whom it may concern...

Some of you have asked, "What is the project?"

Well, according to the official pamphlet:

"The project is a group of dedicated individuals committed to the advancement of the project."

So, what IS the project...?

Ask me again sometime.

Ah, the power of change...

I should write a post about this past weekend's Warhammer tournament. Long story short, I finished 2-0-1 and tied for second with 63 points.
Now for those of you that think that just because you can crush some high school kid using someone else's army list consisting of 8 minotaurs and 5 chariots, I challenge you to take that list to a tournament. I further challenge you to either a) take at least 3rd place in a 14 person local tournament or b) finish in the top 1/3rd at a 140 person global tournament or c) try that crap against my new Tzeentch Horde army. Especially if you've got nothing better to do this saturday!
I find that in a 2250 list, 8 minotaurs (while it's true they won't go away) are simply too hard to manoever. There is a guy in florida name Jordan who fields a beastman army with 18 chariots!!!! I shit you not. Hell, they're core, and he never loses with that army. Yuri on the other hand has 2 bray-shamen and 8 beast herds!! that's it. He's never lost with that army either.
Different strokes I guess. I know this post will only make sense to 1 of you, sorry for that.

Friday, December 16, 2005

I be festive...

Man, did I screw up my back. The whole right side has swelling in it and there are sharp pains in the muscles if I move at all. I've got to go see a better doctor because my current one is a no-talent ass-clown! Anyway, all pain aside, this was supposed to be a holiday post. happy holidays, and enjoy the panda!

From all of us at Official Rumors to you and your families:


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Shields up...

Okay, I have a confession to make: I like the color pink. But not just any pink--not hot pink or anything like that. I like shell pink. think 50's cadillac/diner/poodle skirt/soft pink.
I've got my eye set on this retro alarm clock from L.L. Bean that glows pink. And Ian McCullouch of Echo & the Bunnymen used to play a 1978 shell pink fender jaguar guitar. Nothing is cooler than playing a pink guitar on stage; it defies gender roles and cultural stigmas as well as flaunts confidence in one's own sexuality. i.e., I am not gay.

Here's the clock i want for Xmas...

Xmas list updated...

• clothing that is black
• new headphones for my iPod
• for Jenn to be happy

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

White Trash Nachos...

Gather 'round, kids, and let me tell you the story of the greatest junk food this side of the part of the country that lost the war of northern aggression.
Sonic has a treat called 'Frito Pie.' But I call 'em 'White Trash Nachos!'

It starts with a paper tray thingy. Layer that with a 'handful' of frito corn chips. Now let that sit a minute so that the tray gets soaked. While that's working, take the leftover burger patties that didn't sell yesterday and chop them up with a fork (coarsely). Next, dump the chopped up burger 'meat' onto the frito pile and proceed to layer the whole thing with nacho cheese sauce. Shit, ok, first plug-in the nacho cheese warmer then pour on the cheese (note: don't wait for the cheese to get warm, that takes forever). Almost perfect. All that's left to do is to top it off with a clump of jalapenos (to help mask the taste). Now you have instant after-school goodness. Add an X-box game and you're kids are ready to reach their fullest potential.

Addendum: Official Rumors was saddened to learn that Sonic has pulled the Frito Pie from their menu.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Movie spotlight: Narnia

by Official Rumors Entertainment Analyst Melanie Best

"THE GREATEST STORY EVER SOLD: The Chronicles of Narnia (the movie)"

I JUST got home from the theater, and am performing my civic duty of telling you what I thought of “The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe.”

4 english schoolchildren during WWII are forced to flee when their city comes under a German air raid. They soon discover Thomas Dolby’s (She Blinded Me With Science) wardrobe which leads to Narnia, a suburb of Minneapolis. Narnia is under the curse of uber-villan Darth Milf, but an underground resistance movement has never-never land on the brink of revolt! And thus the kids soon find themselves in the middle of a war (again)!

Warning: this movie is full of cultural symbolism. Let’s decode them:
The Lion = Prof. Dumbledore
The Wolf Pack = the KGB (remember Revelations 3:13? “…and the glorious protectors of the state sought out Jesus and the fellowship of the ring until the great land of communism was once again a safe working environment.”)
Peter, heir to the throne of Narnia = Luke Skywalker, heir to the throne of England
Santa Claus = Gandalf the Grey
The Oompaloompa = The Oompaloompa

The stage is now set for the great battle scene between Darth Milf’s Soviet War Machine …vs Jumanji!

So let’s look at the two armies then:

For the bad guys, Darth Milf has chosen her army wisely: Bears, Minotaurs, Cyclopses, Wolves, etc. She herself has the military acumen of Attilla the Hun, the combat skills of Conan, and the management style of Stalin.

The good guys have chosen some beavers, giraffes, Santa Claus and other muppets.

Advantage: BAD GUYS!!!

But don’t lay odds, just yet. The good guys also have a lion. However, he turns out to be merely a figurehead and remains largely insignificant.
And yet how does the evil army end up losing? I don’t know, that part was gay.

Anyhoo, after a bunch of biblical references and miracles, the muppets win and Narnia is happily transformed back into the middle-earth country club. Jason recovered the lion’s golden fleece, the talking goat man is revived from stone, and Christmas once again comes to Fargo.

All in all, a great movie (only great for Christians) and lots of fun for the whole family.

But a talking goat-person? That’s just fucking weird.

If you liked this movie, you may also enjoy:
The Lord of the Rings
Star Wars
Black Hawk Down
Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time”
Gary Gygax
any Renaissance festival
the San Diego Zoo

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Feature Profile: Fun Julie

Fun Julie is a girl I dated in college. She's a commercial pilot, and she's from the Czech Republic. We would hang out in her dorm room and go through Calvin & Hobbes books together, and had a great run overall. But like all good things, it ended on mysterious and undisclosed terms. Actually, she's the only person I've ever dated that I'm still friends with. And she laughs. A lot. She has the type of energetic laugh that can power entire city blocks. She's very vibrant and never seems to get tired. If I'm lucky, I get to see her once every 5 years. Last time I spoke to her, she was renting the upper loft of a barn and was serenaded to sleep each night by cows. She's so great...

Madonna of the Wasps

"Lost Madonna of the Wasps, I wonder where we crossed
I wonder why she lost me -

Lost Madonna of the Wasps, She's dying in the frost
I wonder what she cost me -

Is this love?

Gone Madonna of the swans, she waves a magic wand
And then she settles on me -

Wise Madonna of the Flies, I look into her eyes
and then she recognize me -"

--Robyn Hitchcock & the Egyptians

The suits are picking up the bill...

Work life has been good lately. I can finally talk to other designers and they understand my language. And I get to work with a subject matter that I enjoy. Instead of putting together a brochure featuring photos of osteoporosis patients or degenerating spinal discs, I can now drop in photos of Sea Dragons or Possessed Daemon Ships. Yay! And I work with good people, which makes all the difference. Our production meeting this morning consisted of several "homosayswhat" interjections, and a discussion of samurai movies.

Monday, December 05, 2005


Sadly, I predict that there will never be an IKEA in Memphis. Most folks down here think it's a japanese car manufacturer. And I know that IKEA is cheap and weird, but I must admit I like 'em! Those Swedes know how to put JUST ABOUT everything you need into one box. But no matter what I buy from them, I'm always left with an extra dowel rod that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Perhaps everyone in Tennessee could donate all their extra dowels and we could build a bridge from here to Stockholm. I'd get my stuff faster.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I know what I saw...

The xmas party lived up to its billing, with one of our own getting so drunk he couldn't stand on his own. We threw bead necklaces off the balcony onto the party-goes of Beale street below. The karaoke wasn't as broad or encompassing as I had hope for, but my rendition of La Bamba provided 2min 34sec worth of entertainment. Turns out Memphis is good for something: people watching. Especially if those people are college girls in santa outfits who take off their shirts for bead necklaces. It's true!

Xmas list

People have asked me to post this:

1. Aeon Flux complete animated collection
2. candy
3. iTunes gift card

i can't think of anything else right now, but if i do, i'll post it here.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Xmas party...

Woo-hoo! Nothing like a company xmas party to strengthen the bonds of all those 'work friends' we've made. This year, we'll be at Pat O'Brien's for the usual vat of debauchery. Since we're a British company, everything revolves around drinking. So each hard-working employee gets 3 free drink coupons and is turned loose. Last year’s party was great: a company-wide scandal which ended with my entire team getting fired, a lawsuit by yours truly set into motion and then quelled, and finally, my joyful acceptance of an award that basically symbolized the fact that I traded legal action to keep my job. (1)

If that wasn’t enough, a political enemy of mine, present at the party was fired two weeks afterward when it was discovered that he was stealing money and product. (2)

This year will feature Karaoke and our special Games Workshop Eggnog (basically, bourbon and ice cubes).

Let the games begin.


(1) Good times!

(2) Jackpot!

Our Official Poll...

Do you think the war in Iraq has been successful? Really?!
No, and exactly how much is it costing me?
No, because I don't feel any more 'free.'
No, but we were winning when I left...


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