Upcoming Blogbook...

I came up with an idea this morning, and I'm sure it's been done somewhere, but I'm doing it anyways. Coming soon will be the first installment of an ongoing soap opera/ web comic/ blog story type thing. It will cover several "posts" and will be a way of writing/illustrating some short stories I want to create, using a newly-created blog (linked to this one). It will feature entirely original art and will be called "White guy/Black shirt." I know what you're thinking, but despite the obvious reference to me, this will not be autobiographical. The story will be told using a combination of 'devices' such as the author's diary/sketchbook and postcards he's written and received from others. There may also be an interactive element that allows the audience (you) to affect the storyline. Here's a brief outline of the chapters:

White guy/black shirt
• Forlorn and 7 years to go
• How to date a Jazz Singer
• The house of 9's
(working titles right now)

News and updates as to this project and its launch can be found right here.
As always, feedback is great.

Reintarnation'...

So I'm looking for an extra little side job that would be 90% fun and 10% extra cash. Here are my ideas so far (seriously):

• DJ at a club for 80's night or at a karaoke bar
• Announcer for the Seattle all-girls' roller derby league
• Street performer in Pike's Place market (my act would consist of musical instruments made from kitchen untensils, and I could sing old "rat pack" songs)
• Write that book I've been "working on" in my head.
• DJ at a yoga studio (another idea I've been working on)

I'll let you know how that works out...

Hello Kiddie...

My sister is going in to the hospital tomorrow to induce labor for her new baby. For the last 9 months I haven't been able to recall the name they picked out, but this morning I learned why: I was never told what the new girl's name was. That's because it's being kept a secret until the kid is born. So child #4 will pop out tomorrow and the mystery name will be revealed to all. Check the poll to the right, since there's still time to cast your vote!

I Believe...

This week, Jenn's Grandfather passed away.
In a very small family, he was a very large figure to all of us. He could take over a room. But he was always there for us, even at times when we felt we didn't need him to be. Now, I don't think anyone can remember a time when we didn't need him. He should know, however, that his influence lives on in his entire family. We are where we are because of him. He's shaped this family, and if you knew him, you'd be able to see a little of him in all of us.
Remembering him will never be difficult.
Being without him will.

Earnest Denford McPhaill 7/16/1919 - 4/13/2008

Gift sausage from the mall...

I hope to spend most of my weekend outdoors. I really need to start taking advantage of my local environment and hitting the parks and hiking trails. However, I know for a fact that I will look a little out of place with the other 'outdoorsy-types.' They all have special equipment, like official hiking boots, camelback water supplies, hiking pants, those fancy walking sticks, light-weather "North Face" jackets, etc. Whether they hike, bike, run, climb, etc. they are prepared and will do so in style.

Here's my equipment load-out for this weekend:
• Jeans (the one with the hole in the thigh)
• Shoes (I did buy new hiking shoes...)
• Hockey Stick (just like those fancy custom aluminum walking sticks, only you can hack and slash stuff with this)
• Gatorade
• Some type of candy
• Swiss army sniper jacket (looks very ugly, but the coolest, most versatile jacket ever. No L.L. Bean or North Face jacket will ever come close. EVER!)
• HK USP .40 (for bears, mountain lions, wolves, mexicans -- whatever poses a threat)
• Extra ammo (just in case)
• Binoculars (to watch birds, people)
• Trenching tool (one of those small, military shovels. Used more as a weapon)
• Nintendo DS (in case I get lost or bored)
• Flashlight (looks cool, seems logical)
• Gift sausage from the mall (how can I go wrong?)

That should do it. A compass and a radio won't do me any good, and I don't want to over-pack.

Unseen Lurkers be known...

So I'm trying to gauge how many readers I actually have, and I know I have more 'readers' than 'posters.' Come on now, let's have a de-lurking day. If you're reading this post or even visit this blog once a year, let's hear it. Leave a comment and show your allegiance to Official Rumors. Come on. It's Wednesday.

Ask Baphomet...

By Official Rumors freelance columnist Baphomet





Dear Baphomet,
Monster.com is supposed to be one of the major job sites around, but I never have any luck with them. What's the deal?
yours,
-Jill


Dear Jill,
As people often confuse me with being mentioned in the ancient scripts of the Templars, or even as a mininterpretation of the name Mahomet (Muhammad), they also do when it comes to Monster.com. I cannot figure out for the life of me what they do to help the common man (woman, as is the case here) with finding a job. First of all, as a rule, I never use them. They are heavily advertising-driven, which means they use "web-statistics" as viable data to earn ad dollars. What this means is, the goal of Monster.com is NOT to find you a job, but to sell ads/services and get paid! They want to get as many users as possible to register and search for jobs, so that they can demand a higher ad price.
This has led them to employ some shady and unethical practices. For example, they post a lot of "jobs" that aren't legit. They're fake. But that increases the value of their service to YOU, which in turn, increases your activity on their site. Which ultimately makes their advertisers happy.
As a service to their "paying clients" (companies that post jobs) they will also send them your info. And trust me, when I registered, I unchecked every box I could find about circulating my info and I STILL get spam from companies that got my info from Monster.com! Plus, half of the jobs I applied for are listed as "company confidential." What the hell?! How does that help anyone?
Anyhoo, I would recommend using a different website entirely if you are looking for a job. The local newspaper is still a decent source, even in this age of internet-technology. Hope this helps!

It is by my very will that you draw breath,
-Baph!

The finer things club...

Then she appeared, apple venus on a half open shell
Then she appeared, the first photograph on Fox Talbots gel
I was a little frightened
Flying with my senses heightened
Cherubim cheered
Then she appeared
Then she appeared, as the giggling crew of Marie Celeste
Then she appeared, pale Atlantis rising out of the west
I was a little dazzled
Catherine wheeled and senses frazzled
Know it sounds weird
Then she appeared
And the sun which formally shone
In the clearest summer sky
Suddenly just changed address
Now shines from her blue eyes
Then she appeared, brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap
Then she appeared, dressed in tricolour and phrygian cap
I was a little troubled
Hookah with my senses bubbled
All Edward leared
Then she appeared
And the moon which formally shone
On the marbled midnight mile
Suddenly just packed its bags
Now shines from her bright smile
Then she appeared
Out of nowhere

What gets checked, gets done...

My demands are simple.

Busted Leggy...

Here is the verdict on my nephew "D." Spiral fracture in his tibia after falling out of a shopping cart. Anyways, let's all wish him a speedy recovery.

Grosse Pointe Blank...

I just...NEED...to see this movie again. It's my own form of therapy.

Leprechaunukkah...

Yes, it's THAT day! The day in which we celebrate St. Patrick driving the "snakes" (metaphor for pagans) out of Ireland.
Also, happy birthday to Colin and Jeff!

UPDATE: The Wilde Rover was a bust, so I did nothing for St. P's. Also, this is a holiday on two fronts:

1. Frat boys who wear beads-- these guys just want an excuse to drink, plain and simple.

2. The real Irish-- this holiday is one of pride and shame. Disloyalty/secession from the crown of England, car bombs (the kind made with C4, not Guinness), Michael Collins and Darby O'Gill (the Disney movie from the 50's that is still the national movie of Ireland). This day is kind of like Mardi Gras-meets-the-Kent-state-shooting-tragedy, all rolled into one.

Indiscipline...

I do remember one thing.
It took hours and hours but...
By the time I was done with it,
I was so involved, I didnt know what to think.
I carried it around with me for days and days...
Playing little games
Like not looking at it for a whole day
And then... looking at it.
To see if I still liked it.
I did.

The more I look at it,
The more I like it.
I do think its good.
The fact is...
No matter how closely I study it,
No matter how I take it apart,
No matter how I break it down,
It remains consistant.
I wish you were here to see it.

I like it.

So again, I work in the gaming industry...

My boss gave me a homework assignment over the weekend. It's a good thing I didn't put any of my high school teachers down as references when I applied for this job, or my boss would have discovered that I don't care much for homework. Anyways, my boss is a businesswoman, through and through. She's sees numbers in everything. She's a numbers gal. And she loves to read. Needless to say, she reads books about business. So she handed me this book on friday about building brands, and marketing them. I realize this is good information, but I can see a couple of problems up front:

1. Can I apply this business sense, written by a guy who branded life insurance and investments at John Hancock, to the gaming industry? I mean, I work with wizards and aliens and robots and the like.

2. I don't like to read all that much.

Lucky for me the author (we'll call him Mr. Biz) made a fatal flaw in his book. I'll refer to page 3, where he says "...the single most important thing you need to know when building a brand is..." and he gives the answer right then and there. Now I don't have to read the rest of the book!! This is a real time-saver, especially when Ghostbusters is on tv. (Note: I don't remember what that 'thing' is he mentioned, but I just have to go back to page 3. Thanks Mr. Biz!)

Gary Gygax, Creator of D&D, fails last save...

By Official Rumors Contributing Editor Bjorn Eriksson

Growing up in Somalia, it's hard to escape the harsh reality of plague, starvation and war. But wouldn't those things be cooler if "Plague" were a 2nd level spell you could cast, and the war you fought each day were against Goblins armed with axes? That's what first got me into Dungeons & Dragons. For me, I have dedicated my entire fictional life to Mr. Gary Gygax, who sadly passed away this week. As a boy, I would take my weekly allowance of rice down to my local game store (I believe you call them "Red Cross Supply Depots") and would dive right into an adventure that would take me far away from the troubles of real life.
While my brother Tony and his friends would shoot down US Blackhawk Helicopters that were supposed to be bringing us food, my friends and I would explore haunted ruins filled with Trolls and Warlocks. My brother never had time for D&D, in fact, never had time for ME! We were never close. But in Somalia, family is all you have, and I would look for anything that he and I could have in common. Then one day, while preparing for a raid on a UN Peacekeeping patrol, my brother picked up one of my Dungeons & Dragons Player Handbooks. I saw his face light up when he realized that he could play a rebel fighter that actually wears armor! And even better, this game had RPG's! From that day on, things were better between Tony and I. We had a language we could both speak, be it "Role-Playing Games" or "Rocket-Propelled Grenades," the RPG world would be a place we could BOTH fight! Thank you Mr. Gygax, you've made my tiny village of "Red Zone Alpha-Six-Zero" a more enjoyable place.

Nature is Ancient...

It's wet in the middle
with a shell around it
it's called life

It goes wherever it wants to
don't try to predict it
then you'd offend it
it's meant to surprise

Nature is ancient : but surprises us all
Nature is ancient : but surprises us all

Rescue me
from level-head-ness
and the unnecessary luxury of being calm

Nature is ancient : but surprises us all
Nature is ancient : but surprises us all

She's got dark hairs on her head
blonde on her arms
she sneaks up from behind
come on, you deserve it!

For Tom Kohler, who will totally appreciate this as much as I did...

Zinc Oxide and You...

A Pirate's life for me...

Yaaarrr! I've been hired as the Marketing Coordinator for Privateer Press (www.privateerpress.com).

Satyr Tots...

Last night I watched 'Inside the Actors' Studio' with John Cusack (who is awesome). At the end of each show, host James Lipton asks each guest the same set of questions. The questionnaire concept was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust Questionnaire. Now, I believe I've posted this questionnaire before, but I'm willing to bet that my answers have changed from so long ago so I'm doing it again:

• What is your favorite word? Chaos.

• What is your least favorite word? Problem.

• What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Being unemployed (having lots of time on my hands)

• What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Routine.

• What sound or noise do you love? Thunder.

• What sound or noise do you hate? Traffic.

• What is your favorite curse word? Motherfucker (it's part of the show, mom)

• What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Chef.

• What profession would you not like to do? Carpenter.

• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Your table is ready."

Reggae Mortis...

People in Seattle have this thing about using 'permanent' grocery bags. They're the kind made out of canvas or something that you reuse all the time. Here, grocery stores either give you a discount if you bring your own bag and some of them stopped supplying paper or plastic completely.
I agree that plastic bags are just awful. You can't even really reuse them for anything, except picking up dog crap. I suppose you can carry your lunch in them or something, but then you just look like you are carrying dog crap around, which is not a good look. Best case scenario, you pretend that you've packed dog crap for your lunch.

I went to the "Lib"...

So we went to the Library the other day. I hadn't set foot in one in over 15 years. Why on earth would I? I don't have any papers to write, I have the internet at home now, and any books that are any good already have TV shows made for them (or soon will).

Apparently, Libraries have to keep up with the times, or be swallowed by them. For instance, they decided to put their entire card catalog onto computers. Which is great, except that it doesn't change the fact that they still didn't have any of the books I wanted. True, computers are supposed to better manage their inventory, track what books are where, etc. but fat chance. Here are the searches I did, and their results:

Search: The King in Yellow
Result: MISSING (wtf?!)

Search: Great Exploration Hoaxes
Result: Check Shelf (I checked the shelf already. That's what you do when you want to find a book. IT WASN'T THERE!)

Search: Dracula, unabridged, Bram Stoker
Result: Dracula 2000 (VHS) due back 2/28/08

Search: Vegetables
Result: Did you mean "Veggie-Tales"?



Come on, you cankers. Don't make Mamma beg.

Checklist...

We like to do things the "unemployed" way around here. Feel free to print this checklist if you'd like to try this at home.

[ ] Crappy black T-shirt
[ ] 3rd cup of coffee
[ ] Coffee mug from weird, artsy 80's tv show
[ ] 'Forgot' to shave for a week
[ ] Internet connection (courtesy of the neighbors)
[ ] Decent cache of wheat thins and gatorade (staying healthy is important, kids!)
[ ] Birds on the feeder

Job Title...

Well, the votes are in and thanks to all who participated. Seems like most of you made the sensible decision to invest wisely. You should all start your own companies now. My new temporary job title is "Domestic Engineer." My job is to take care of dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. It's a job, dammit! Except unlike YOUR jobs, I can't just clock-out at 5pm. I don't have a "quittin' time." Speaking of mothers, my mom has asked me to refrain from using "bad language" on my blog. While I disagree with her reasoning ("it isn't nice, and no one wants to read that") I do agree that I should be setting a better example for my younger readers. So here's an example for you: If Grandma sends you a birthday card with $15 million in it, put it in the bank and invest wisely. Also, don't get into a lawsuit with Lucasfilm. Those guys are serious!

So here's to Moms everywhere! My mom was a stay-at-home-housemom, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just look at how I turned out!

The job hunt continues...

Thanks Natalie, you've made my day...

This cartoon reminds me of The Aforementioned Markian, who, while we were in collidge (sp?) together had a Dr. Pepper and Little Debbie snack cake for breakfast every single morning. Then he almost became diabetic. Hope you're eating better these days!

New Poll...

Official Rumors wants answers! Take the poll to your right...

Every hour wounds, the last one kills...

Ah, here's a bit of the update. I no longer work at Hidden City Games. I am back to square one, unemployed. Yesterday, my 'new employer' let go of 20 people (approx. 23% of their staff). So I just got here, and now I'm out of a job. How did this happen?

1. Hidden City was awarded $15mil worth of investment money. This was probably supposed to last awhile. They spent all of it in three months. Our CEO admitted that no plan was put into place for the money, and no one was policing it.

2. Sales did not meet the projected targets that were set forth for 2007. Therefore, expenditures had to be reduced to the amount of revenue that was actually generated (again, way short of the planned goal). So where's the accountability? The guy who did all the forecasting and sales for 2007 STILL HAS HIS JOB! And his boss and 19 others including myself, don't!

3. Lucasfilm has filed a lawsuit against our CEO's other company (GenCon). http://www.icv2.com/articles/news/12058.html

Qua le fuck?

Off to find a new job...

Long Overdue...

I know, I know...
Well here's the update:
• Today is a snow day! I'm totally iced in. I can't remember the last time I ever had a snow day. For most of us, it was probably back in high school. I watched cars slide into each other, spin, crash, pile up--from the comfort of my own driveway!
• Vampira died. Check out Markian's comment for more details, but she basically sued Elvira for stealing her act (which Elvira totally did!) but lost the case for some reason. She was 85 when she passed this week.
• Got back from Denver a couple of weeks ago, but will now be heading to California for another show.
• Lots of new birds on my feeders, including one I'm still trying to i.d.