Saturday, April 08, 2006

Unliving Idol...

I was interviewed over the phone today. Here's how it went:

(I.G.=interview girl)

IG: Did moving to the south give you greater confidence in your personal sense of fashion?
Me: I've never been confident in anything. I need to work on that. Tomorrow, maybe.

IG: Are you still having those dreams?
Me: Yes, thank you for asking. Some people dream in color, some in black and white. I seem to be dreaming lately with a 20% blue filter. This makes all my dreams seem more pale and subdued, even colder. It can be annoying but makes for dramatic lighting.

IG: You've nearly given up drinking Coca-Cola due to health reasons. How's that going?
Me: It's been much easier than I thought, but increasing my coffee intake has helped.

IG: How's work?
Me: Great! I love visiting with family and telling them that I look at Daemons and monsters all day.

IG: What's been the biggest challenge lately?
Me: Staying creative. I mean, my job is almost completely creative, but I'm referring to personal creativity. I don't have much time to write or play music these days. Being lazy is very convenient, but makes me feel guilty.

IG: What was the outcome last Easter when you put the marshmallow peep in the microwave?
Me: The peep began to expand. I became concerned so I stopped the microwave, which caused the peep to collapse. Upon further inspection, I determined cause of death to be catastrophic core implosion.

IG: What about the rest of the peeps?
Me: I do plan to launch the first peep into orbit, but this would take government funding, investment capitol, and a marketing strategy. It's on the down-low for now.

IG: What kinds of music have you been listening to lately?
Me: I've been way into jazz since moving down here. Outside of that genre, it's been hard to keep my finger on what's 'new and cool.' Going to Curiosa last summer helped, though. Found some new bands like the Cooper Temple Clause, The Rapture, and got to see Interpol. It goes without saying that the Cure were the main attraction. Also, I'm really into The Creatures' new album "Hai!"

IG: How was the party at ******'s place?
Me: Their parties are always great. Lots of artsy people talking about art and school, and I have very little to offer, but I always have a great time because of the people. Had lots to drink. Got more dirt on people.

IG: You've been taking yoga. How's that going?
Me: Awesome. It's made a world of difference and is just my kind of thing. Being one of the only guys in there is kind of odd though. I'm not sure if I'm resented by the house-frau's or not. It's really helped out my shoulder though.

IG: If you end up getting a band started, how would you like to be labelled?
Me: Great question. I read a reviw recently of a band that broke up in the mid-90's. They were described as being "Shoe-gazers." I thought, 'wow that's totally how I'd want to be described.' It conjures images of art-rock bands that just stare, introvertedly, straight downward. A little fashion, a little art, a little mopey, unusual, misfit, enigmatic--that's how I'd want it to be. These days, some bands are all about the 'emo' thing, which I love, but I think one evolved into the other.

IG: You're a collector. What sort of new things are you collecting these days?
Me: Vintage moonbeam clocks. I'd like to get some vintage coffee makers. I'm also into obtaining classic horror films. I just watched "The Abominable Snowman" with Peter Cushing!

IG: I understand you ran into ***** the other day. How did that go?
Me: I didn't run into her. "J" saw her at a David Sedaris reading. Turns out she's not dead, as I had originally reported. She looks like it though! God, do I hate that girl....

IG: You're still bitter...
Me: hell yeah. I never had closure on what she did to me. As far as I'm concerned, I still owe her one. And it will come. I really hate her... Thanks for bringing that up.

IG: What are you eating?!
Me: Cereal.

IG: Any advice you can offer your readers out there?
Me: Take dead aim at the rich. Take good care of your friends and loved ones. Have a heightened sense of paranoia. Sleep less. Take note of patterns in nature. Eat more cereal.

IG: Thanks again for taking so much time with us. We'll check in with you later.
Me: My pleasure. Good night.

-Official Rumors, April 2006


Colin Morris said...

This post is dynomite. Treats especially to Peeps science and your advice to readers.

H, house frau queen said...

I don't think the "house-frau's" resent you. They probably just think your gay, especially when you look in the mirror to check your hair after every move.

C said...

well spoken, h. very few straight guys, even those hard-core metro-sexuals out there, can wear that much hair gel.

H said...