Thought for Thanxgiving...

I like my heretics like I like my turkey...
Burned.

Memphis changed me (I swear it did)...

This is Angela. She's a very talented stylist. But to understand the point of this post, you must first understand Angela's opposite, her polar force, her Ronin, her anti-avatar... my mother!

My mom was a hairdresser (as they used to call them in that day), and one of the benefits of having a hairdresser-mom is that for my entire life I never had to pay for a haircut. Rarely did I have to make an appointment even. But the process was a give-and-take one. I've been told that I have very difficult hair to work on because it grows 'weird.' So my mother would give me the haircut SHE wanted me to have, while I argued for a different style. I got half-and-half. So when I moved from Ohio to Memphis, mom could no longer cut her lil' son's hair. And her parting words were "no one can cut your hair like your mother." (she would actually criticize the job done by other stylists after I moved out of the house).

Meet Angela. She's not a conservative Catholic. Her arms are covered in tattoos. She's dating an army sniper. Her hair is a different color every week. She has lots of facial piercings. She's great!

Nothing against my mum, but I can't imagine the shock/horror she must be going through reading this (yes, mom reads my blog, so mind your manners you fuckos).

Angela is the best ever. But she's expensive. Mom was free at least...

She said "I know you and you cannot sing" I said "That's nothing, you should hear me play piano..."

Today is the first day where it really feels like autumn. My dog tried to pee on the largest leaf I've ever seen, but I pulled him off of it at the last second because I wanted to put it on my fridge.
Chickadees are now on the feeders at home. Other birds I've collected: the titpecker, the woodcock, the boob lark.

Mempis is also starting to feel incredibly small. Turns out my friend and massage-therapist knows my stylist, who knows my tattoo guy.

Places I'll be going in 2007: Vegas, England, Indy, maybe Philly, maybe Japan.

Goodbye to: Sher-bear, for now.
Hello to: an increasing amount of really ignorant, self-centered people who call this city home.

Vincent Price made some great, but very gay, movies.

I really need to get back on the DJ gig thing. That was fun.

Saw David Sedaris last month, the Memphis Symphony this month.

Pieces of Eight...

I know, I know, long time no post. Well, I've been promoted to Director of Marketing so now I'm doing 2 jobs until I can get a replacement for my graphic design position. Yeah, I've been busy.
Anyway, what do you think of this image (above)? Not the background, just the swirly thing.
I'm now back into the swing of blogging, so I should be posting regularly again. Thanks for not abandoning Official Rumors, and if you have, burn!
Drinks at the Celtic Crossing tonite for Sher-bear's going away party.
See you all there.

Hemmed in like a boar between arches...

Hooray! The Devil is dead, now everyone is free to do whatever they wish.

Oh Mr. Punch, you kill me.

Free coffee is coming for me next week, courtesy of a friend from GENCON. This is good, considering how heavily dependent I am on the stuff.

The weather is starting to cool off (high 80's) and I'm no longer boiling like a bug in bourbon. Of course, with cooler weather comes sleeping with the windows open. And you know what comes with that? Motorcycles. Those annoying kinds that go super-fast and super-loud and sound like an alligator be run through a blender. So one of these obnoxious fucks goes tearing down the street at 1:30am and scares the crap out of me. He should be back tonight, and I'll be waiting. He needs to be fitted for a size .22 suit. Let's dress the man...

This weekend, fun is planned for all. The cooper-young festival in midtown (a hippy-fest of crafts, junk, and home-grown 'music') will see our group, and lunch at Molly's!!! Getting my hair cut with Angela, the greatest pink-n-purple, pierced, tattooed punk stylist in Memphis!

Fantasy football: I'm 1-0!! My team (the Crash Test Bunnies) has a big game this week vs. the Mighty Sock Monkeys, but they're goin' down like a prom date on the titanic 'coz we're 1-0 baby!!!

I'm out.

-b

Thought I'd share this with you...

The man who sailed around his soul
From east to west, from pole to pole
With ego as his drunken captain
Greed, the mutineer, had trapped all reason in the hold

The man who walked across his heart
Who took no compass, guide or chart
To rope and tar his blood congealed
When he found his self revealed ugly and cold

And the sirens that sing
By your nose with its ring
Theyll drag you in
For your sins

Now he sits all alone
And its no place like home
Its empty skin
A bag to keep lifes souvenirs in
The man who sailed around his soul...

The man who sailed around his soul
Came back again to find a hole
Where once he thought compassion and the truth
Had laid to warm his freezing carcass on return

The man who walked across his heart
Was doomed to journey from the start
Of every love affair hed broken
All the lies hed ever spoken
Tattooed on his arm
And the jellyfish stings
Even angels with wings
Who look too deep
And dare to peep

Now he sits all alone
Knowing flesh blood and bone
Is everything
He found the treasure hed been seeking...

Undertow...

Since when did the 'newgirl' get the right to pick on the veteran?! Anyways, newgirl starts in on how my *sigh* brings down the whole office, FOLLOWED BY how she doesn't really know anything about me. Seems you would want to do these two things in reverse. I mean, really.
Welcome aboard, newgirl! We've taken it easy on you so far...

Anyways, back to yoga this week. Missing 2 weeks is going to be murder.
Also, been neglecting my farm lately...

To sleep, perchance to burn...

This past week:
• Bit by a spider or equally annoying insect.
• Hummingbirds now in an aggressive territorial death match with each other.
• Laptop's monitor dies.
• Had to buy a new one.
• I hate Memphis this week, especially when SOME PEOPLE get to go to Seattle.
• My headache is back.
• I'm really cranky about everything this week, it's only Tuesday and I'm ready for the weekend.

"But in the flesh how would it be
If you could really see
The weaknesses you never knew
Alive and staring back at you..."

MonstroCity...

This picture and the stingray photo were taken at the City Museum in St. Louis, a sort of twisted wonderland of discarded objects from around the city. For example, if you have an old bank vault door lying around, the museum might want to buy it from you and make an exhibit out of it. This was the most unique museum experience I've ever been a part of. Tomorrow will be the art museum. Home on Tuesday.

Crikey: Croc Hunter gets the 'high hard one' from misunderstood skate...

Official Rumors was deeply saddened to hear of the untimely death of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. While filming a new series titled "Stingrays--A diver's best friend", Irwin became only the 3rd person on record to died from a stingray. I'm currently writing from my hotel in St. Louis, and after hearing the news this morning, went to the St. Louis City Museum where I could pet stingrays in a tank. I'm not sure what the big deal is, since the rays were all too happy to have me pet them. Interesting note, www.jerusalemtimes.com reported Irwin's death took place during a 'DRIVING" accident (not a 'diving' accident). I honestly pictured him driving his truck down a dusty Australian road with a cooler containing a capture stingray, the truck rolling over and the cooler coming open spilling the creature onto Irwin's chest. People in Jerusalem need to spellcheck. Diving makes a lot more sense.

People and animals alike will miss Steve Irwin.

Vertrauen

"There is a secret, and my word was my pass through the mirror..."

SSS, LLL...

I've been total crap at posting lately. Sorry 'bout that. I've been thinking recently of starting an additional, more 'themed' blog: Stickel Figure Theater! I'm still working out the details of what that theme will be, but rest assured it will be full of snobby, upper-crust, well-to-do violence and debauchery!

In other news, Markian (author of the forthcoming short essay "Moth Coffee") has taken full credit for the discovery of the following: www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

While you go look at that, I'll get started on the new blog. Official Rumors will keep giving you the same erratic nonsuch that it has for OVER A YEAR now! Can you believe that?

You'll hear about the launch of Stickel Figure Theater before it happens, as I begin to gather submissions from the truly submissive: you reader-types!!

Monthly Horrorscope: LEO

If you were born during daylight savings time, be sure to subtract an hour from your birth time this month or your Horrorscope may be totally inaccurate.

July 23-Aug 22:

A co-worker leaves an interesting package in your office on the 21st. You will retaliate.

Daily Ephemera...

Hi all,
I'm back from GenCon, the most exhausting 4 days in gaming. Give me a day or so to put the whole rundown on Official Rumors, since there is a lot to tell.

Top 5 things I thought of while eating a melon...

We had brunch with D&B this past weekend, which like everything else that they do, was high-class. They are still the bests hosts in Memphis, and have treated us like family. Anyhoo, my job was to cut up the cantalope, and upon eating some I thought:

5. Remember that time at T&J's house when we cut open a watermelon, filled it with assorted fruit and poured in a bottle of rum? That was great.

4. Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?

3. The Tom Waits concert was fantastic, but difficult to describe. The crowd was very eclectic. They all had tattoos.

2. This weekend, I really enjoyed living in Memphis. But our air conditioning broke, and I cursed this city into the ground.

1. The consistency of melon is not unlike that of a HUMAN HEAD!!!!

Get your war on!

Nice one, Israel.

Jerks...

Inventory...

Stuff on my desk:
• a plastic sheep
• little dancing jack o' lantern figures
• a scented tea candle (vanilla)
• cobra commander
• a toothbrush (free when you become a delta dental member)
• an Irish wishing stone
• a bottle opener

Mind Over Matter...

I have this little indulgence I practice every couple of weeks: I'll go to local Borders Books & Music, pick up a few of my favorite magazines off the shelf, then sit in the cafe and browse through them. To understand where this story, one must know that I usually go there after work and that my work 'uniform' consists of a black angst-laden t-shirt and jeans, with my i.d. badge around my neck.
Anyways, a couple weeks ago I was at Borders and when I finished with my magazines, I was kind enough to put them all back in their designated spots. So it came as no surprise when no fewer than 4 customers came up to me and asked me various questions, mistaking me for a store employee. The first few instances I explained that I wasn't an employee, but then I began to just steer people in the wrong direction: "You actually have to have a special permit to buy anything out of our Religious Studies section" or "We're entitled to alert the FBI anytime someone buys that magazine."
I should really fill out an application, since I enjoy talking to the customers more than Border's own employees seem to.

Birthday...

Today is my birthday, and my niece has drawn this rendition of me wearing some kind of shriner's fez. The glowing orbs above my 'head' probably represent something... arcane knowledge or divine mana or poltergeists. Yay!

Life is like a box of chocolates...

A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.
Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So
you're stuck with this undefineable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly
wolf down because there's nothing else left to eat.
Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee,
but they're gone too fast. The taste is... fleeting.
They end up as nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and
teeth-shattering nuts. You're desperate enough to eat those and all
you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper
wrappers.