Let Them Eat Birthday Cake...

A couple of weeks ago, while at home, my sister made me an early birthday cake. It's the kind of cake my mother had made me for years, but now my sister is carrying on the tradition. This, however, is not your average cake. It's called "Pig licking good cake" and sounds like something you would find here in Memphis. I'm not a big pineapple fan and this cake is choc-full of it. But make no mistake, it's (somehow) my favorite. The rest of the cake is nearly indescribable- I honestly don't know what else is in it. BBQ sauce would be an added bonus. Anyways, it's good. And I'm thankful for it.

I feel pretty apathetic about my impending birthday. I have to work tomorrow anyway.

Live Free or Don't...

I live in Memphis, which is known for a couple of things: Elvis, BBQ, and now the Statue of Liberation Through Christ. Dear readers, I CANNOT make this kind of stuff up. The church of the World Overcomers has erected this statue, a converted version of the green colossus known as the statue of liberty. They’ve added some stone tablets with symbols on them and a cross. I’m hoping these additions aren’t permanent, as I think it would add value to be able to replace them as the season’s change. For example, Halloween could see the statue change its accessories to a wooden stake and wreath of garlic. Anyways, their bullshit explanation of the statue’s meaning basically boils down to a disguised allusion to the reunion of church and state. Thanks to our forefathers, who in no way could see this coming, freedom of expression protects people from receiving death threats for their lawn ornaments. I’m offended, but I’m not really allowed to be. The Fahrenheit 451 sentries, SS stormtroopers, blade runner secret police or democrats who vote would never stand for this. Where is my police state?! I was promised a police state!

Between Something and Nothing...

Our vacation was a success! But there never seems to be enough time to do everything you want. However, zoo pictures will be up soon, so keep an eye on this space.
• Happy (belated) birthday wishes to my dad, Sheri, and Linek
• Special thanks to those who watched after our dogs. Turns out Argus was about as much trouble as we thought.
• Colin, sorry we missed you.
• And a hearty welcome to new readers of this blog. Watch what you say as it may end up in print here.

This is your life...

And you open the door and you step inside
Where inside our hearts

Now imagine that your pain is a white ball of healing light
That's right-your pain, the pain itself is a white ball of healing light

I don't think so

This is your life Good to the last drop
It doesn't get any better than this
This is your life and its ending one minute at a time

This isn't a seminar This isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now You can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
Its only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything
Nothing is static Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart

This is your life
It doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet

You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grand latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khakis

You have to give up
You have to give up
You have to realise that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless.

I say never let me be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever art
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.

This is your life
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You have to give up
You have to give up

--from Chuck Palahniuk

The Angriest Dog in the World...

This cartoon was written by David Lynch and used to appear in the L.A. Times. The odd gag was that the panels never changed, only the words. I thought it was great, but like all things, it eventually died. I've posted this little tribute in its honor (click to biggie-size it). This dog reminds me of our dog Argus, who has issues all his own and gets upset about similar things. The little intro to the comic is just perfect:

"The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. ...Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis."

Some wonderful friends of ours have been bravely volunteered to watch our dogs while we are away. Bernard is the attention-hound. Argus is bound so tightly with tension and anger...

You can always come home...

...it's just a long-ass drive to get there. Next weekend, I'm going home to Ohio to have the family cookout and do all the stuff I loved doing before I moved down here to the blast furnace. In other news...

• The world's largest Warhammer tournament was an incredible experience, and I got to share some authentic 15-year old scotch with a guy from Scotland!
• Robin Guthrie (pictured above) will be putting on his synth-guitar/video show, but I won't be able to attend since I don't live in the UK.
• That local Bistro has a 'for lease' sign in the window. Although it is a sad occasion, it surprises no one.
• I hope to be singing at ON TAP next weekend when I go home. If Colin can make it, we should be able to collapse the place!
• I watched a kid (about 18 years old) urinate on a gas pump. I had no say in the matter.

Hope to see everyone in a week!

5th place...

Somehow, we continue to love him anyway.

Bravo...

I had the opportunity, during a taping of "Inside the Actors Studio," to talk with host James Lipton. So he ran me through those 10 questions asked at the end of the show:

01. What is your favorite word? Porcupine

02. What is your least favorite word? Money

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Music played very loudly

04. What turns you off? The News/Media

05. What is your favorite curse word? Wanker

06. What sound or noise do you love? The Ocean

07. What sound or noise do you hate? People arguing

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Film Director

09. What profession would you not like to do? Laxative test subject

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Let me explain..."

Desire Lines...

Prise the hair out of her mouth
Whilst the circus is heading south
While we search in the sand
Don't ask them to understand
Why they cover up their hands
And their mouths

Test Complete...

So I had the MRI on my neck, in light of that car accident thingy. Turns out there's no major damage to any of my main cables, or soft & squishies. Just physical therapy. This is good, considering I've already made up my mind that surgery is not an option that I would accept.
Dead Can Dance was the music chosen for part of yoga last night. A welcome surprise, which makes me want to make a mix cd for next week's class. Holy crap, I could spin live music during yoga. I could be Memphis's first YJ!
Colin-I need to talk with you! I have stuff you might want.
A special shout-out to Sarah--thanks for looking out for me this week.
And Halle-this picture reminds me of the first time you brought Adam over to meet the family.

I'm off to Toronto this week, so be good and NO PARTIES!

Over the Counterculture...

Just a brief update on the state of the 'tarnation: I'm finally getting my car back (Monday) just in time to drive myself to get an MRI (Tuesday) for injuries sustained in that accident. BUT, I've got some great new music to listen to:

• Maximo Park
• Arcade Fire
• The Bees
• StellaStar
• The David Freeman Orchestra (not available)

What Would Jesus Bomb?

Terrorism begins at home.

Official Announcement...

We apologize for any confusion you may be experiencing. But are we to blame? Double click on that HELP button tattooed to your mother’s forehead. She’ll tell you that your confusion stems from a public-school infused childhood, where you were raised by television to believe that one day you’ll be a millionaire or movie god or rock star. What you really should be worried about is that it took this long for you to admit your plight.

End of line_

Welcome to our Neighborhood...

Just to get some of you caught up to speed, we moved in February to a much newer, nicer part of town. A lot of it is still being developed and we have a very nice view of nature right off of our back porch (which is 3 floors up, so it's like having a tree house). There are always birds singing 'tra-la-la' and we are surrounded by lots of lush greenery. So let's recap a few things about our new surroundings:

WILDLIFE
I should start charging people to come over and look outside. In the last month, right outside my window I've seen:
• A Blue Heron
• A Luna Moth (size of my hand)
• A hawk (size of my dog; holy crap!)
• Hummingbirds, Cardinals, ornothologica en masse

METROLIFE
Despite our very nice surroundings, we've had:
• The same bank robbed 4 times
• Kroger robbed at gunpoint
• Tanning salon robbed at knifepoint (all in the same shopping center!)
• Liquor store robbed
• 4 burglaries in our complex

And so last night at 10:30, while the police chopper circled over our little apartment building, 3 cops and a K-9 unit were searching the grounds about 50 feet below me. They searched the creek in my back yard, our stairs, etc. Soon about 9 more police cruisers showed up and they and the dogs combed the area. Not really sure how it all concluded, except that there was some barking and shouting towards the end, and everyone casually packed up and left about an hour later.

I'm off to buy more ammunition tonight after work, and since the wife is really freaking out, maybe a seachlight to mount on my patio.

What our neighborhood needs is a BIG searchlight with a bat logo on it that we can shine on the clouds whenever there's trouble.

Lost and Found...

This is my Aunt Susan. She's one of my favorites! She is very dear to me. And lo and behold, her daughter Samantha returns. She went missing off the radar for a few years, and apparently she's back with a degree and a smile! Somewhere I have a picture of Samantha and I dancing at my sister's wedding. I haven't had the privilege of spending that much time with her, but if she's anything like my Aunt Susan, she'll be able to accomplish whatever she wants, on her own terms.

Bad Juju to the lot of you...

And you know who you are.

U Plavu Zoru...

"I wish a falling star could fall forever..."

The Pink Martini show will not soon be forgotten. 'D' had said that music these days seemed to be missing 'glamor.' Perhaps Pink Martini merely accumulated all the discarded glamor that available. Backed (almost needlessly) by the Memphis Symphony Orchestra, Martini surpassed the expectations of the unsuspecting season ticket holders, who thought that they were attending another average symphony performance. The 11-strong lineup infused cuban and asian flavors into their already unique mix of jazz, tango and mambo. You haven't lived until you've witnessed a bald japanese man in an impeccable suit singing in Spanish. But, as I suspect is always the case, singer China Forbes was the center of attention. Truly a show of musicianship not seen elsewhere in the world these days, I may not ever have the chance to see Pink Martini again-- their shows in Seattle, Portland, Istanbul, Paris, Athens, Milan and Rome are sold out in advance.

Special thanks once again to 'D' and 'B' who continue to be the most gracious hosts I know.

The Art of War...

Just a sample of what a typical day at work might look like...

(Note: for those of you not 'in the know', I work for Sabertooth Games, a division of Games Workshop--world's largest and best-kept secret manufacturer of tabletop wargames.)

Aftermath...

I'm still in a little pain, but the worst is over. Muscle relaxers and high doses of ibuprofin will do that for ya. The fate of my beloved VW Golf, however, hangs in the balance.
Special thanks to all my neighbors who game me their best wishes in light of this incident.

Tomorrow will make up for the past few days: Homemade martinis at 'D&B's' followed by the much-anticipated Pink Martini show. Now what to wear...

I really miss that Buffalo Trading Co. in Vegas; we went last year with my sister-in-law. Lots of fashionable components available including that awesome griffon belt buckle I picked up. In Ohio, The Hidden Pearl was good for that as well.

I'm thinking of adding two things to my wardrob: Shirts that require cufflinks, and making my own cufflinks.

Suggestions welcome.

Life comes at you fast...

Today, while on the way to lunch, the car in front of me had to brake hard for someone's creative driving in front of him. I slammed on my brakes and stopped just short of the car. And then the SUV behind me hit. We were slammed into from the rear-end and it pushed my car into the rear of the car in front of me.
Damage to my VW:
The back tailgate is smashed in and won't open. Driver's side door is bent. Back bumper crumpled in and tail lights are totally smashed.
Damage to myself and passengers:
Me- sore neck and headache, but otherwise ok. (1 point of damage).
Amy, front passenger seat- VERY stiff neck and headache, bruising from the seatbelt. (3 points of damage).
Dave, back seat- his glasses flew off and his head hurts, but these may have been pre-existing conditions. (1 point of damage).

The irony: the guy in the SUV who hit me WORKS as a rep for Nationwide insurance.

The aftermath: we waited forever for the police to show up. They never did! 4 police cars drove by, but I guess it wasn't THEIR FUCKING TURN to deal with an accident. Way to go, Memphis PD. We were 2 fucking blocks from the downtown precinct. You'd think they would WANT to show up for an accident since that's EASIER to deal with than domestic violence or murder, and they're all about taking the easy road. Thank you, Memphis PD for wearing that "To Protect and Serve" logo on the side of your cruisers. Try doing it sometime.

Blackout...

Wow, I totally missed Easter. Sorry 'bout that. A rapid-fire update:

• With that big Warhammer Invitational Tourney fast approaching, I find myself painting miniatures at breakneck speed.
• I saw my first Luna Moth, which is like a neon-green version of Mothra the size of my hand! Thanks to the fine folks over at Auf Achse for getting a photo of the monster (which I hope to post soon).
• The 1-year birthday of this great blog is also approaching, so we're planning a huge festival. Roast duck, a maypole, and plenty of washed linens should make for a great birthday celebration.
• With the trees in full-bloom, our magic tree-porch is now home to several finch families and a cardinal.
• I found my next pet: and so I need $15. Please send it to me and I will make this fine pacman frog the official pet of Official Rumors!
• Going to see a concert on Saturday with 'D.' Pink Martini will be playing Memphis!!! If you're not familiar with this band, but find yourself saying "I totally want to hear some cuban-infused jazz" then you should research them and buy your ticket today.

More soon, I promise!

Also, a long overdue shout-out to the readers in Las Vegas! Their support of this blog has been solid, and I may never be able to repay the debt of gratitude to which I owe. I've set my iPod to play "Heaven or Las Vegas" by Cocteau Twins just for them today...

Some friends are frozen...

This is a gummy bear. Alas, he remains nameless. But 'J' befriended him when she was a kid, and they would have many adventures together. She kept him in the freezer when they weren't buddying around. He resides there still, waiting for the next time he'll be taken out to play.

True story.

Favoured of the Gods...

This is Blund. I stole this pic from "M's" Livejournal page. But the ironic thing is, I own this exact bear. His name is Blund, which is Swedish for "bear." I know this because I bought him at IKEA, the one in Pittsburgh. They've built an IKEA in Atlanta now, but those pokes thought it was some kind of Japanese car manufacturer. Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Anyways, I love Blund very much. I tell people that all small toy bears in Sweden are recruited for mandatory military service, so Blund served his 2 months (he's only a baby) as a weapons guidance technician. Blund doesn't like to talk about it, but he has no idea how many enemy soldiers he has killed in his day. "It's all part of the job" he says. Here he is now, relaxing on a Sunday morning.

Today will feature lunch with 'S,' lots of coffee, and some evening hang out time with 'C.'

Cheers.

Unliving Idol...

I was interviewed over the phone today. Here's how it went:

(I.G.=interview girl)
(Me=me)

IG: Did moving to the south give you greater confidence in your personal sense of fashion?
Me: I've never been confident in anything. I need to work on that. Tomorrow, maybe.

IG: Are you still having those dreams?
Me: Yes, thank you for asking. Some people dream in color, some in black and white. I seem to be dreaming lately with a 20% blue filter. This makes all my dreams seem more pale and subdued, even colder. It can be annoying but makes for dramatic lighting.

IG: You've nearly given up drinking Coca-Cola due to health reasons. How's that going?
Me: It's been much easier than I thought, but increasing my coffee intake has helped.

IG: How's work?
Me: Great! I love visiting with family and telling them that I look at Daemons and monsters all day.

IG: What's been the biggest challenge lately?
Me: Staying creative. I mean, my job is almost completely creative, but I'm referring to personal creativity. I don't have much time to write or play music these days. Being lazy is very convenient, but makes me feel guilty.

IG: What was the outcome last Easter when you put the marshmallow peep in the microwave?
Me: The peep began to expand. I became concerned so I stopped the microwave, which caused the peep to collapse. Upon further inspection, I determined cause of death to be catastrophic core implosion.

IG: What about the rest of the peeps?
Me: I do plan to launch the first peep into orbit, but this would take government funding, investment capitol, and a marketing strategy. It's on the down-low for now.

IG: What kinds of music have you been listening to lately?
Me: I've been way into jazz since moving down here. Outside of that genre, it's been hard to keep my finger on what's 'new and cool.' Going to Curiosa last summer helped, though. Found some new bands like the Cooper Temple Clause, The Rapture, and got to see Interpol. It goes without saying that the Cure were the main attraction. Also, I'm really into The Creatures' new album "Hai!"

IG: How was the party at ******'s place?
Me: Their parties are always great. Lots of artsy people talking about art and school, and I have very little to offer, but I always have a great time because of the people. Had lots to drink. Got more dirt on people.

IG: You've been taking yoga. How's that going?
Me: Awesome. It's made a world of difference and is just my kind of thing. Being one of the only guys in there is kind of odd though. I'm not sure if I'm resented by the house-frau's or not. It's really helped out my shoulder though.

IG: If you end up getting a band started, how would you like to be labelled?
Me: Great question. I read a reviw recently of a band that broke up in the mid-90's. They were described as being "Shoe-gazers." I thought, 'wow that's totally how I'd want to be described.' It conjures images of art-rock bands that just stare, introvertedly, straight downward. A little fashion, a little art, a little mopey, unusual, misfit, enigmatic--that's how I'd want it to be. These days, some bands are all about the 'emo' thing, which I love, but I think one evolved into the other.

IG: You're a collector. What sort of new things are you collecting these days?
Me: Vintage moonbeam clocks. I'd like to get some vintage coffee makers. I'm also into obtaining classic horror films. I just watched "The Abominable Snowman" with Peter Cushing!

IG: I understand you ran into ***** the other day. How did that go?
Me: I didn't run into her. "J" saw her at a David Sedaris reading. Turns out she's not dead, as I had originally reported. She looks like it though! God, do I hate that girl....

IG: You're still bitter...
Me: hell yeah. I never had closure on what she did to me. As far as I'm concerned, I still owe her one. And it will come. I really hate her... Thanks for bringing that up.

IG: What are you eating?!
Me: Cereal.

IG: Any advice you can offer your readers out there?
Me: Take dead aim at the rich. Take good care of your friends and loved ones. Have a heightened sense of paranoia. Sleep less. Take note of patterns in nature. Eat more cereal.

IG: Thanks again for taking so much time with us. We'll check in with you later.
Me: My pleasure. Good night.

-Official Rumors, April 2006

Love Song...

Here's an odd premise I came up with. The following is a list of friends of mine, the bands/music they introduced me to, followed by their Chinese Zodiac sign. Makes for interesting cross-references, debates, philosophical diatribe or vertical lookups (for you Excel users).

Jenn -- Tori Amos -- Horse
Gina -- Lush -- Rabbit
Christine -- Wire -- Dog
Sarah -- The Rapture -- Rooster
Anna -- Interpol -- Rabbit
Mike -- Franz Ferdinand -- Dragon
Sheri -- Opera -- Bat
Kalisa -- Tears for Fears (again) -- Horse
Nicole -- The Smiths -- Rabbit
Stas -- King Crimson -- Rabbit
Millhouse -- They Might Be Giants -- Rabbit
Markian -- Sisters of Mercy -- Rabbit
Julinka -- Voltaire -- Rabbit
William Mann -- The Cure (didn't introduce me to them but was responsible for a lot of my education about them) -- Goat

Artist Credit...

Dominic X. Johnson, my nephew, is the artist who has been featured on Official Rumors lately. He's sort of a post-modern, neo-malificent transexpressionist working mostly in marker and watercolor. Classical, but with a hint of lime. He does indeed get his talent from his mother (my sister) Halle Johnson. Don't be confused, though, since HOLLY Johnson was the former lead singer of Frankie Goes To Hollywood. He died of AIDS, though. My sister is HALLE, not HOLLY.

Just clearing that up.

I'm all about it...

Things you should know about me:

LIKES
• Toy Soldiers
• Jack o' Lanterns
• Lightning storms
• Little hole-in-the-wall Middle Eastern restaurants
• Books about pirates
• Classic horror films (mostly the black and white kind, Hammer films, et. al.)
• Snow!
• Air Hockey
• Making a big pot of chili on cold Sundays before the football games start
• Fishing
• Red Wine (merlot or cabernet, some kinds of zin)

DISLIKES
• SUV's
• 'Yard Geese' dressed in rain gear
• Reality shows
• Baseball
• Cell phones
• Asking to sit in 'non-smoking' and having them seat you right next to smoking. Wtf?!
• The spoken sound of the Hindu language
• People who keep dangerous reptiles as pets
• Revolving doors (I have a phobia of these and refuse to go through them)
• Starbucks (great atmosphere, great business strategy, shitty coffee)
• Indecision
• Coupons
• 'Ask Me' buttons
• and much more...

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky...

This conversation came up in the car this morning. I pass a small, southern pet cemetary on my way to work each morning. I do. Anyway, 'J' and I got into the details of buying a plot and making 'arrangements' for a small pet such as a tropical fish. Using the influence of 5 full seasons of 'Six Feet Under' I decided that an altoids box would be the perfect final resting place. But NOT the kind that opens via door hinge. You need to find the kind of altoids tin that SLIDES open. That way, you can leave it partially slid open so that the family can achieve closure through one last viewing of their beloved fish. Then you can slide the lid shut in dramatic fashion and lower mr. fish into his final resting place, closing with some words about 'his great reward' or 'a big happy pond in heaven or fish-valhala with lots of fish and plants for him to fellowship with.'

This brings up my second topic: fishing! My dad will be sending me all my fishing gear so that, for the first time since moving to Memphi-stopheles, I can go fishin'. My problem is that despite growing up in a very outdoorsy household full of hunters and fishers, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN A FISH! And I love to eat fish, so this poses a problem: either I learn to gut and clean fish, or I throw 'em back. The 'catch and release method' seems to widely accepted as the most humane, but what if the fish are really opposed to that. As if being thrown back is humiliating and demeaning. Like a soldier who charges into the battle line only to come fleeing back 5 seconds later. Perhaps being caught is the fish's true accolade: Martyrdom!

Fish 1: "Gill gave his life so that we can continue to swim."
Fish 2: "All hail Gill, may he continue to swim forever in Great Fish Valhalla!"

Rock Opera...

This update from Marjie:

"Good Morning,

I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm doing a production of the opera "Thamos" in Cleveland the weekends of May 12th and May19th. I can probably scrounge up some free tickets, so call me or email me if you're interested.

Also, mad thanks again to everyone who came to my reading. Your support and kindness are the...um, wind beneath my wings. Hold on. I can think of something better than that. Your support and kindness are my marrow.

Thanks and Hugs,
Marjie "

Thought for the day...

"Fear not the flying hogfish nor the lesser dogfish, for they are Babylon's creators."

In loving memory of Peepers...

Peepers was our chicken who lived to be like 7 years old. She had survived deadly winters, multiple stray dog attacks, bird flu, and more. But she finally met her end in an unfortunate interlude with the back of a Honda Accord. She was a wonderful pet and a dear friend. May you rest in peace sweet, sweet Peepers.

That was about 5 years ago. I now have a plan to bring her back!

According to page 58 of The Black Art of Necromatic Magic (Warhammer Armies: Vampire Counts, 2001), the following spell may be cast upon the deceased:

INVOCATION OF NEHEK
"...can be cast to raise the dead or add new models to a unit...the new model will be armed exactly like other models in the target unit...can be cast once per magic phase with a range of 18 inches."

Now I know what you're thinking: What's this about other models in a unit? And armed with what? Well, Peepers was a chicken--she was never part of a unit and doesn't have any weapons, so I don't have to worry about that. What DOES worry me is that while we will regain our beloved pet, she will probably lead a 'life' of staggering around craving human flesh or brains.
So basically, I need to find a freelance master of the dark arts and hope for the best. Watch this space for updates.

Hungry are the Damned...

My week so far:

• I burned 3 fingers on my right hand in a 'lamp incident' at home on sunday. This makes working on a computer all day kind of difficult.

• It's very cold in Memphis, which is bad because it's also very sunny.

• J rear-ended a pickup truck yesterday. She's a bit bruised and sore, but otherwise okay. Her car on the other hand, is obliterated. We're waiting to hear how bad the damage really is.

• We missed yoga last night due to J's work schedule but will be going tonite. This could prove to be the turning point in the week. Hopefully things will go better for the rest of it.

"Noth there was, that dare the woode..."

And the winner is...

Congratulations to our OFFICIAL RUMORS INTERPRETIVE ILLUSTRATION OPEN COMPETITION winner: Dominic X. Johnson

Dominic submitted this illustration "Angry Bean" (crayon, marker, on paper) and has now won the grand prize: something from my desk at work. Most likely it will be one of those autographed "Bobby Stickel" character cards from our new Universal Fighting System collectible card game, since I have like 800 of those.



Legal Notice: The artist deemed 'winner' surrenders all rights, creative license, royalty opportunity, and any other benefits hereto, hither, moreover, notwithstanding and nonsuch to OFFICIAL RUMORS, nowbeingwhich sole proprietor and licensee of "Angry Bean," its affiliates and cronies. All copyright, logos, images of "Angry Bean" are now registered trademarks of OFFICIAL RUMORS, all rights reserved by order of the royal crown of cola. The fact that the artist of "Angry Bean" is my nephew is merely coincidence and has no legal or binding anything to this competition or blog.


Great work, Dominic! Congratulations!!!

Today at work...

Today's ipod playlist...

"Incubation" Joy Division
"Friday I'm in love" The Cure
"Look for the silver lining" Chet Baker
"Mad World" Tears for Fears
"It ain't you" Squirrel Nut Zippers
"Fury Eyes" The Creatures

Senjo Shu...

Today's rundown:

• Awoke
• Looked at my feeder so that I might get photos of the birds.
• Saw Klaus (purple finch, male, married) but could not get a photo.
• Gertrude (purple finch, female, married) was no where to be found.
• Went to work.
• Ate bad lunch.
• Updated blog.
• Though about going for coffee. Thought better of it-- I have coffee at home.
• Worked on new game logo that I'm not allowed to discuss on this blog.
• Updated blog.

Plans for tonight:

• Feed dogs
• Go to grocery store
• Check the feeder for more birds
• Eat something
• Clean up the place
• Bedtime

Fangs very much...

So I finished reading this book about a vampire. Basically, some guys in the book put some clues together and came to the conclusion that the main character was a vampire. What were the clues? Well the character's name was Lord Constanta (Lord being a giveaway in my opinion) and he hailed from Romania! More to the point, I took the obvious clues that one could be a vampire and thought... I KNOW someone like that!!! So let's put my friend (we'll call him Vlad) through the checklist:

• Is Vlad independently wealthy? YES!
• Does he have a permanent residence? NO!
• Does he come from a southeastern European country like Sylvania or something? YES!
• Does he have an incredible talent for charming/coercing/hypnotizing people (preferably women)? YES!
• Can he turn himself into any of the following 3 forms? Bat/Wolf/ethereal mist? MAYBE!
• Does he wake up really late and stay indoors for most of the day? YES!
• Is he catholic? NO!
• Does he always dress in black? YES!
• Is he on a special diet? YES!
• Is he kind to rats and spiders? YES!
• Is he most active at night, sometimes until 4 or 5 in the morning (just before sunrise) claiming that he is 'working?' YES!

My friend happens to pass this checklist with an astounding 95%! He is a vampire! No doubt about it. He is a certified creature of the night, a master of undeath and dark magic. He rarely sleeps. I couldn't lead a lifestyle like that, I would need a LOT of coffee!

Birds alive...

I don't have a photo of the purple finches that have been frequenting my feeder yet, but I have named them: Gertrude and Klaus. Photos soon...

Heavenly Nobodies...

Take no heroes,
It's no good
They don't stand up to you
Just take the bits you think that you can use
I remember when I was younger I thought the answers were locked in people
So I admired the ones whose lives were a source of envy to people like me
But do you really want to meet
The ones who write your dreams
Believe me, it's a fantasy
You won't like the reality

Budapest by blimp...

Crap. The updates have been coming slow, I know, and some of you are expecting care packages in the mail. Both will be resolved this week. Also, I have photos coming. Souvenirs from Japan, an archway that leads to nowhere, and more.

We have finally identified the birds that are frequenting my bird feeder: purple finches. How will they react to the disc of madness?

Spiritus Mundi,

-b

Imagoro...

Sleepwalking barefoot
Dangerous thought
In a looking glass ghost story
I wonder if for the first time
At the looking glass welcome party

The new digs...

We're in! After a long weekend of moving heavy stuff up and down stairs, plus going out of town for a week, followed by another weekend of moving heavy stuff up and down stairs, we are FINALLY moved in! And I just love our new place. Lots of pretty landscaping. The clouds in the sky can appear a bit threatening though.

Hong Kong Garden...

Many of you may remember mention of a new bird feeder onto which I was going to install the "Disc of Madness" or something. That's still on, but now I have room on my new deck for a small rock garden. Anything to annoy the new neighbors, which apparently are these college-looking hill rats who have now drawn my ire.

I'm off to Dallas next week. I just need some sleep, as this week has kicked my ass.

BREAKING NEWS...

This guy (we'll simply call him "Dave Freeman") has a date tonight, ON VALENTINE'S DAY. No one was supposed to know. He's a little nervous, but he's a great guy and could use some support! Go Dave!

Official Rumors: SPECIAL REPORT

Ceiling Fans: Terror From Above!

One of our readers (whom we'll refer to as simply "Jeff Mitchell") was comically injured last week when his ceiling fan suddenly came loose and crashed down on his lil' head. After a visit to the emergency room and some stitches, "Jeff Mitchell" is recovering nicely. When asked about the incident, Mitchell replied "...it hurt. a lot."

Happy Birthday Halle...

My sister Halle turns twenty-something tomorrow!

Friday Puppy...

As promised, your Friday puppy.

Subjugator...

"We must learn from our mistakes, so that we can repeat them precisely."

• Yoga really kicked my ass yesterday. As it turns out, it may actually be helping my shoulder (which 'd' believes to be a rotator cuff issue).

• There was a bright red cardinal sitting on my car this morning, which is odd because I haven't known birds to land on anything other than branches. What made him want to land on a silver VW and chirp at me at the exact moment I needed to leave is a mystery.

• Still converting my new Tzeentch horde. Next on the table: marauder horsemen.

• I have to go to Dallas for 4 days, which is bad-timing but should be nice and boring.

• Finally got to see 'c' who was a bit tipsy but otherwise in good spirits. She had fallen off my radar for a while. It's good to have her back on.

• My sister's birthday is fast-approaching, and I found the PERFECT card for my little princess. Not sure what to get her, though.

• 1 week until the new apartment!