This is your life...

And you open the door and you step inside
Where inside our hearts

Now imagine that your pain is a white ball of healing light
That's right-your pain, the pain itself is a white ball of healing light

I don't think so

This is your life Good to the last drop
It doesn't get any better than this
This is your life and its ending one minute at a time

This isn't a seminar This isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now You can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
Its only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything
Nothing is static Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart

This is your life
It doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet

You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grand latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khakis

You have to give up
You have to give up
You have to realise that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless.

I say never let me be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever art
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.

This is your life
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life
And its ending one minute at a time

You have to give up
You have to give up

--from Chuck Palahniuk

The Angriest Dog in the World...

This cartoon was written by David Lynch and used to appear in the L.A. Times. The odd gag was that the panels never changed, only the words. I thought it was great, but like all things, it eventually died. I've posted this little tribute in its honor (click to biggie-size it). This dog reminds me of our dog Argus, who has issues all his own and gets upset about similar things. The little intro to the comic is just perfect:

"The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. ...Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis."

Some wonderful friends of ours have been bravely volunteered to watch our dogs while we are away. Bernard is the attention-hound. Argus is bound so tightly with tension and anger...

You can always come home...

...it's just a long-ass drive to get there. Next weekend, I'm going home to Ohio to have the family cookout and do all the stuff I loved doing before I moved down here to the blast furnace. In other news...

• The world's largest Warhammer tournament was an incredible experience, and I got to share some authentic 15-year old scotch with a guy from Scotland!
• Robin Guthrie (pictured above) will be putting on his synth-guitar/video show, but I won't be able to attend since I don't live in the UK.
• That local Bistro has a 'for lease' sign in the window. Although it is a sad occasion, it surprises no one.
• I hope to be singing at ON TAP next weekend when I go home. If Colin can make it, we should be able to collapse the place!
• I watched a kid (about 18 years old) urinate on a gas pump. I had no say in the matter.

Hope to see everyone in a week!

5th place...

Somehow, we continue to love him anyway.

Bravo...

I had the opportunity, during a taping of "Inside the Actors Studio," to talk with host James Lipton. So he ran me through those 10 questions asked at the end of the show:

01. What is your favorite word? Porcupine

02. What is your least favorite word? Money

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Music played very loudly

04. What turns you off? The News/Media

05. What is your favorite curse word? Wanker

06. What sound or noise do you love? The Ocean

07. What sound or noise do you hate? People arguing

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Film Director

09. What profession would you not like to do? Laxative test subject

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Let me explain..."

Desire Lines...

Prise the hair out of her mouth
Whilst the circus is heading south
While we search in the sand
Don't ask them to understand
Why they cover up their hands
And their mouths

Test Complete...

So I had the MRI on my neck, in light of that car accident thingy. Turns out there's no major damage to any of my main cables, or soft & squishies. Just physical therapy. This is good, considering I've already made up my mind that surgery is not an option that I would accept.
Dead Can Dance was the music chosen for part of yoga last night. A welcome surprise, which makes me want to make a mix cd for next week's class. Holy crap, I could spin live music during yoga. I could be Memphis's first YJ!
Colin-I need to talk with you! I have stuff you might want.
A special shout-out to Sarah--thanks for looking out for me this week.
And Halle-this picture reminds me of the first time you brought Adam over to meet the family.

I'm off to Toronto this week, so be good and NO PARTIES!

Over the Counterculture...

Just a brief update on the state of the 'tarnation: I'm finally getting my car back (Monday) just in time to drive myself to get an MRI (Tuesday) for injuries sustained in that accident. BUT, I've got some great new music to listen to:

• Maximo Park
• Arcade Fire
• The Bees
• StellaStar
• The David Freeman Orchestra (not available)

What Would Jesus Bomb?

Terrorism begins at home.

Official Announcement...

We apologize for any confusion you may be experiencing. But are we to blame? Double click on that HELP button tattooed to your mother’s forehead. She’ll tell you that your confusion stems from a public-school infused childhood, where you were raised by television to believe that one day you’ll be a millionaire or movie god or rock star. What you really should be worried about is that it took this long for you to admit your plight.

End of line_

Welcome to our Neighborhood...

Just to get some of you caught up to speed, we moved in February to a much newer, nicer part of town. A lot of it is still being developed and we have a very nice view of nature right off of our back porch (which is 3 floors up, so it's like having a tree house). There are always birds singing 'tra-la-la' and we are surrounded by lots of lush greenery. So let's recap a few things about our new surroundings:

WILDLIFE
I should start charging people to come over and look outside. In the last month, right outside my window I've seen:
• A Blue Heron
• A Luna Moth (size of my hand)
• A hawk (size of my dog; holy crap!)
• Hummingbirds, Cardinals, ornothologica en masse

METROLIFE
Despite our very nice surroundings, we've had:
• The same bank robbed 4 times
• Kroger robbed at gunpoint
• Tanning salon robbed at knifepoint (all in the same shopping center!)
• Liquor store robbed
• 4 burglaries in our complex

And so last night at 10:30, while the police chopper circled over our little apartment building, 3 cops and a K-9 unit were searching the grounds about 50 feet below me. They searched the creek in my back yard, our stairs, etc. Soon about 9 more police cruisers showed up and they and the dogs combed the area. Not really sure how it all concluded, except that there was some barking and shouting towards the end, and everyone casually packed up and left about an hour later.

I'm off to buy more ammunition tonight after work, and since the wife is really freaking out, maybe a seachlight to mount on my patio.

What our neighborhood needs is a BIG searchlight with a bat logo on it that we can shine on the clouds whenever there's trouble.

Lost and Found...

This is my Aunt Susan. She's one of my favorites! She is very dear to me. And lo and behold, her daughter Samantha returns. She went missing off the radar for a few years, and apparently she's back with a degree and a smile! Somewhere I have a picture of Samantha and I dancing at my sister's wedding. I haven't had the privilege of spending that much time with her, but if she's anything like my Aunt Susan, she'll be able to accomplish whatever she wants, on her own terms.

Bad Juju to the lot of you...

And you know who you are.

U Plavu Zoru...

"I wish a falling star could fall forever..."

The Pink Martini show will not soon be forgotten. 'D' had said that music these days seemed to be missing 'glamor.' Perhaps Pink Martini merely accumulated all the discarded glamor that available. Backed (almost needlessly) by the Memphis Symphony Orchestra, Martini surpassed the expectations of the unsuspecting season ticket holders, who thought that they were attending another average symphony performance. The 11-strong lineup infused cuban and asian flavors into their already unique mix of jazz, tango and mambo. You haven't lived until you've witnessed a bald japanese man in an impeccable suit singing in Spanish. But, as I suspect is always the case, singer China Forbes was the center of attention. Truly a show of musicianship not seen elsewhere in the world these days, I may not ever have the chance to see Pink Martini again-- their shows in Seattle, Portland, Istanbul, Paris, Athens, Milan and Rome are sold out in advance.

Special thanks once again to 'D' and 'B' who continue to be the most gracious hosts I know.

The Art of War...

Just a sample of what a typical day at work might look like...

(Note: for those of you not 'in the know', I work for Sabertooth Games, a division of Games Workshop--world's largest and best-kept secret manufacturer of tabletop wargames.)

Aftermath...

I'm still in a little pain, but the worst is over. Muscle relaxers and high doses of ibuprofin will do that for ya. The fate of my beloved VW Golf, however, hangs in the balance.
Special thanks to all my neighbors who game me their best wishes in light of this incident.

Tomorrow will make up for the past few days: Homemade martinis at 'D&B's' followed by the much-anticipated Pink Martini show. Now what to wear...

I really miss that Buffalo Trading Co. in Vegas; we went last year with my sister-in-law. Lots of fashionable components available including that awesome griffon belt buckle I picked up. In Ohio, The Hidden Pearl was good for that as well.

I'm thinking of adding two things to my wardrob: Shirts that require cufflinks, and making my own cufflinks.

Suggestions welcome.

Life comes at you fast...

Today, while on the way to lunch, the car in front of me had to brake hard for someone's creative driving in front of him. I slammed on my brakes and stopped just short of the car. And then the SUV behind me hit. We were slammed into from the rear-end and it pushed my car into the rear of the car in front of me.
Damage to my VW:
The back tailgate is smashed in and won't open. Driver's side door is bent. Back bumper crumpled in and tail lights are totally smashed.
Damage to myself and passengers:
Me- sore neck and headache, but otherwise ok. (1 point of damage).
Amy, front passenger seat- VERY stiff neck and headache, bruising from the seatbelt. (3 points of damage).
Dave, back seat- his glasses flew off and his head hurts, but these may have been pre-existing conditions. (1 point of damage).

The irony: the guy in the SUV who hit me WORKS as a rep for Nationwide insurance.

The aftermath: we waited forever for the police to show up. They never did! 4 police cars drove by, but I guess it wasn't THEIR FUCKING TURN to deal with an accident. Way to go, Memphis PD. We were 2 fucking blocks from the downtown precinct. You'd think they would WANT to show up for an accident since that's EASIER to deal with than domestic violence or murder, and they're all about taking the easy road. Thank you, Memphis PD for wearing that "To Protect and Serve" logo on the side of your cruisers. Try doing it sometime.

Blackout...

Wow, I totally missed Easter. Sorry 'bout that. A rapid-fire update:

• With that big Warhammer Invitational Tourney fast approaching, I find myself painting miniatures at breakneck speed.
• I saw my first Luna Moth, which is like a neon-green version of Mothra the size of my hand! Thanks to the fine folks over at Auf Achse for getting a photo of the monster (which I hope to post soon).
• The 1-year birthday of this great blog is also approaching, so we're planning a huge festival. Roast duck, a maypole, and plenty of washed linens should make for a great birthday celebration.
• With the trees in full-bloom, our magic tree-porch is now home to several finch families and a cardinal.
• I found my next pet: and so I need $15. Please send it to me and I will make this fine pacman frog the official pet of Official Rumors!
• Going to see a concert on Saturday with 'D.' Pink Martini will be playing Memphis!!! If you're not familiar with this band, but find yourself saying "I totally want to hear some cuban-infused jazz" then you should research them and buy your ticket today.

More soon, I promise!

Also, a long overdue shout-out to the readers in Las Vegas! Their support of this blog has been solid, and I may never be able to repay the debt of gratitude to which I owe. I've set my iPod to play "Heaven or Las Vegas" by Cocteau Twins just for them today...

Some friends are frozen...

This is a gummy bear. Alas, he remains nameless. But 'J' befriended him when she was a kid, and they would have many adventures together. She kept him in the freezer when they weren't buddying around. He resides there still, waiting for the next time he'll be taken out to play.

True story.

Favoured of the Gods...

This is Blund. I stole this pic from "M's" Livejournal page. But the ironic thing is, I own this exact bear. His name is Blund, which is Swedish for "bear." I know this because I bought him at IKEA, the one in Pittsburgh. They've built an IKEA in Atlanta now, but those pokes thought it was some kind of Japanese car manufacturer. Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Anyways, I love Blund very much. I tell people that all small toy bears in Sweden are recruited for mandatory military service, so Blund served his 2 months (he's only a baby) as a weapons guidance technician. Blund doesn't like to talk about it, but he has no idea how many enemy soldiers he has killed in his day. "It's all part of the job" he says. Here he is now, relaxing on a Sunday morning.

Today will feature lunch with 'S,' lots of coffee, and some evening hang out time with 'C.'

Cheers.