So I finished reading this book about a vampire. Basically, some guys in the book put some clues together and came to the conclusion that the main character was a vampire. What were the clues? Well the character's name was Lord Constanta (Lord being a giveaway in my opinion) and he hailed from Romania! More to the point, I took the obvious clues that one could be a vampire and thought... I KNOW someone like that!!! So let's put my friend (we'll call him Vlad) through the checklist:
• Is Vlad independently wealthy? YES!
• Does he have a permanent residence? NO!
• Does he come from a southeastern European country like Sylvania or something? YES!
• Does he have an incredible talent for charming/coercing/hypnotizing people (preferably women)? YES!
• Can he turn himself into any of the following 3 forms? Bat/Wolf/ethereal mist? MAYBE!
• Does he wake up really late and stay indoors for most of the day? YES!
• Is he catholic? NO!
• Does he always dress in black? YES!
• Is he on a special diet? YES!
• Is he kind to rats and spiders? YES!
• Is he most active at night, sometimes until 4 or 5 in the morning (just before sunrise) claiming that he is 'working?' YES!
My friend happens to pass this checklist with an astounding 95%! He is a vampire! No doubt about it. He is a certified creature of the night, a master of undeath and dark magic. He rarely sleeps. I couldn't lead a lifestyle like that, I would need a LOT of coffee!
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